Murder Most Showbiz

What a start to the year! Former Radio One DJ found dead (complete with alleged drug dealing gay lover angle perfect for the likes of the Daily Mail to tut-tut over); Britney Spears stretchered out of her ex's house (even Amy Winehouse has never been that drunk); and children's BBC presenter arrested for murder and supplying class A drugs! Wow! A real festive bonus for the tabloids! I must admit that when I saw the last headline, my first thought was that a rabid Basil Brush had gone on a homicidal rampage, tearing the throats out of young fans. My next thought was that perhaps Dick had finally snapped and decapitated Dom, or even that Dom had strangled his Dick. But sadly, none of those scenarios turned out to be true. Instead it transpired that SMart presenter Mark Speight had been arrested on suspicion of murder after his girlfriend was found dead in the bath.

Despite the police admitting that they didn't know her cause of death and that it was currently being treated as 'unexplained', rather than definite murder, Speight is bound to be a popular suspect for the tabloids. I mean, he's artistic, has bleached blonde hair and is still presenting kids programmes in his forties - clearly a weirdo in their books. No doubt they'll be analysing everything he ever did on SMart, making lurid claims that he painted some of the pictures in human blood. Hell, I'm surprised that they haven't linked him to Kevin Greening's death. Maybe he's had a busy week. Perhaps he'd run out of red paint for his TV show...