Another Christmas Eve at The Sleaze

Christmas Eve and still no offers of panto - hang on, I did that line last year, didn't I? (And to be honest, I stole it from Spike Milligan circa 1958 anyway). So, what's new this year? Not a lot, really. I'm enjoying my usual decoration-free Christmas. This year my campaign to get people to stop sending me cards - the message finally seems to have got through: I'm not going to send you one back. Also as usual, I intend spending Christmas Day at home, on my own. I hasten to add that this is through choice. I grew tired of family Christmases and their arguments many years ago. As I don't have children of my own, I really don't see the point of making a fuss over Christmas. I also don't see the point in subjecting myself to someone else's notion of a Merry Christmas, or in trying to observe the meaningless rituals of the past. Neither of these have ever brought me much joy. Some acquaintances seem to think my celebration of the season rather bleak. It's anything but - I really enjoy the opportunity to have some time to myself and do exactly what I want to do. As I've tried to explain to people, I really wouldn't care if I didn't receive any presents (let's face it, we all give each other tat, anyway).

Mind you worse than giving nothing, in my opinion, is 'giving' those bloody charity 'gifts'. You know the sort of thing I mean - where you give a goat or something to an African village on behalf of someone else. What the fuck kind of present is that? It's the giver who is trying to salve their conscience, not the recipient. Consequently, I consider such 'gifts' incredibly selfish. Look, if you want to make a charitable donation, go ahead and do it on your own account, don't try and pretend its some kind of present to someone else. Equally unwelcome are those 'practical' gifts, like socks, composting bins and garden forks. Where's the seasonal 'magic' in that, eh? For God's sake, Christmas isn't about being practical. It's about debauchery, over-indulgence and frivolity. Mind you, I've had some difficulty getting into the spirit this year. It's felt less like Christmas than usual this December. Everything seems a bit muted (except those bloody external Christmas lights people put up, unfortunately). However, this afternoon as I walked home in the fading light, the church bells started ringing and the lights of Christmas trees could be glimpsed through people's windows. Suddenly I felt more festive. So much so that I sat down and watched a badly colourised version of Scrooge with Alistair Sim. Mind you, my festive mood was quickly dispelled, as I found my planned trip to the pub to see in Christmas is under jeopardy due to people dropping out or having second thoughts. Bastards!