Whole Lotta Lies

Web traffic often comes from the least expected quarter, an event in the real world apparently unconnected with your site will suddenly start turning up an old story in searches. The catalyst this week has been the Led Zeppelin reunion, which has resulted in the story Rock Babylon receiving a lot of hits. Apparently if you search for 'Led Zeppelin groupie' it comes up. Whilst obviously happy that the story has been given a new lease of life, I'm slightly disappointed that it hasn't resulted in any TV researchers looking to dish the dirt on Led Zep getting in touch. As I've undoubtedly mentioned before, I once had a researcher contact me about this story, wanting to arrange an interview with the protagonist of the story, retired groupie Suzy Jamette. Now, bearing in mind that the story involves an octopus trained by Led Zeppelin to simultaneously wank off both them and all four members of Queen, I'd have thought that it was pretty obvious that it wasn't true. Except if you are a TV researcher. Still, it's like E F Watley of the inestimable Watley Review pointed out to me, researchers are those people lacking the talent to be proper journalists, whilst lacking the looks to appear in front of the cameras.

Anyway, I apprised the researcher in question of the fact that Miss Jamette was an entirely fictional character, adding that I still had the phone number of that octopus somewhere if she was interested. I never heard from her again. Indeed, I haven't had any e-mails from researchers for a long time. On the one hand I'm quite relieved, as they're a pain to deal with, but on the other hand I sort of miss getting them. I'd like to think that they've stopped due to a rise in the standard of researchers employed by TV stations. However, I doubt it. I'd also like to believe that most TV production companies' research departments have finally flagged The Sleaze up as a satire, rather than a factual, publication. Again, the fact that I used to get multiple requests from different researchers at the same company, even after I had already told one of their colleagues to piss off, suggests that they are simply not that well organised. To be honest, I've been half expecting the recent story School for Swearing to set off a new wave of requests from researchers. It's precisely the type of story - suggesting some kind of low-level celebrity scandal - that attracts them. You never know, it might yet happen. We shall see.