Have You Ever Noticed...

...how the lights flicker just before Strictly Come Dancing starts every Saturday, as the entire National Grid is harnessed to the task of restarting Bruce Forsythe's heart? Poor old Brucie, he does come in for a lot of stick about his age. Now, I would ordinarily decry this sort of ageism. However, I've been around long enough to remember that people were cracking cruel jokes about Brucie when he was merely middle-aged. The fact is that we simply hate the toupee-wearing, egotistical git. I remember Peter Cook's impression of him, where he encapsulates Forsythe's act as getting "some cunt from the audience and making a fool of them". Mystifyingly, not only has he outlived Cook, but Brucie has also continued to be employed on TV in a series of vehicles in which he humiliates members of the public. Indeed, for me the only saving grace of Strictly Come Dancing is that he doesn't get to humiliate members of the public.

Of course, much of this hatred might stem from jealousy. Obviously, we're envious of his talent and success. More to the point, we're jealous of the fact that such an unbearably bumptious git with an awful hair piece can pull a series of attractive women half his age. Bastard. On the other hand, he does give us all hope that when we reach our twilight years we won't be doddering senile old gits, pissing ourselves and gibbering incoherently. Or at the very least, that we won't be doing it publicly on national television every Saturday. Or even if we do, we'll at least have the compensation of being married to some fit bird. Provided we're millionaires, of course.