Saturday, December 22, 2007

Blair Converts to Socialism

It has been announced that former Prime Minister Tony Blair has converted to Socialism. According to a statement released by his private office, the conversion took place late last night at the house of former Labour minister Tony Benn. During the ceremony Mr Blair renounced the market as a mechanism for the fair distribution of services and admitted that the invisible hand of the afore mentioned market was nothing but a superstitious fallacy. "Like God, the invisible hand is something we like to believe in as children - imagining that it is out there gives us a sense of security," said Mr Blair in the statement. "But I have come to see that it is entirely illusory, that the only true protection we have from rapacious capitalism is state intervention to ensure a fair redistribution of wealth." It is believed that the ex-PM had been receiving instruction in Socialism from several leading left-wingers - including George Galloway and John McConnell - in the months leading up to his conversion.

"We're delighted that someone as notable as Tony Blair has converted to our cause." said Tony Benn, echoing the sentiments of many other leading figures on the left. "We have no doubt that it will lend new gravitas and credibility to our campaign for social justice and equality of opportunity." However, others have questioned Mr Blair's conversion and its timing. "Bloody pity the bastard didn't embrace the cause when he was Labour Prime Minister," snarled Dennis Skinner. "One of the central planks of Socialism is equality of access to public services - yet during his time in Number Ten he consistently dismantled the Health Service and education, introduced means-tested benefits and failed to re-nationalise vital industries like the railways. I don't see how any of that is compatible with a commitment to Socialism." For his part, Mr Blair claims that it was Britain's unique political culture which prevented him from openly discussing his political beliefs whilst Prime Minister. "Anywhere else in Europe you can come out and say that you are a Socialist with pride - it's considered quite respectable," he claims. "But in Britain, if you say things like 'I believe in the redistribution of wealth through a graduated tax system', people think you're a nutter!"

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