More Supernatural Shenanigans for Christmas

Some more thoughts on updating those Christmas ghost stories. Having watched a double bill of M R James adaptations on BBC4 last night, it occurs to me that The Treasure of Abbot Thomas would be ideally suited for a Twenty First Century spin. The treasure itself, instead of being base metals transmuted into gold by alchemy, could be a stash of incredible Medieval porn, jerked off over by the titular Abbot, in an attempt to transform the images into flesh and blood women through alchemy. As such women wouldn't be real, sex with them wouldn't be a sin. The strange slimy guardian the Abbot leaves to protect his treasure could turn out to be composed of his ejaculated jism, animated into menacing life by occult means and spraying itself into the faces of those seeking the Abbot's secrets. A salutary lesson in the perils of masturbation.

The other adaptation on view the other night was Whistle and I'll Come to You. Now, I feel this one translates into modern terms quite easily. The spirit summoned up by playing the mysterious whistle found in the graveyard could turn out to be the shade of some Victorian rent boy, who steals under the Professor's bedclothes and gives him a blow on his 'whistle'. The story could then become an analogy for the protagonist's attempts to come to terms with his own repressed homosexuality. See, these things just write themselves! The more I think about, the more I'm inclined to say "Screw writing a Christmas ghost story for The Sleaze next year", and instead try to pitch these ideas to the BBC as a TV series. Contemporary ghost stories - very BBC3!