Punch a Priest Today

I see that clergymen are being advised to take off their dog-collars when 'off duty', so as not to make themselves targets. Well, I'm glad to see that my campaign of encouraging people to beat up vicars whenever they see them is finally having an effect. The bloody Holier-than-thou bastards deserve a damn good kicking, going around peddling all their sodding moralistic schtick - Harry Potter is a satanist, wanking leads to eternal damnation, looking at pornography is a mortal sin, homosexuality is the root of all evil. What a bunch of bloody kill joys. Is it any wonder church attendances are falling? As if all that preaching isn't enough, when they're not in the pulpit they're apparently busy buggering choir boys. Perhaps if they did a little less condemning and a bit more of that neighbour-loving that Jesus went on about (providing the neighbour is above the age of consent), people wouldn't be targeting them.

Of course, these new guidelines for the clergy do raise the question of when exactly they are 'off duty'? Do they 'clock off' at the end of each service, light up a fag, swig whisky straight from the bottle, thumb through a porn mag and wank off in front of a mirror? Do they stop spreading the word of God as soon as they leave church premises? Do they use their time off to grope women, steal cigarettes and get involved in barroom brawls? If someone rushed into the pub and asked a priest propping up the bar there to come and give his dying mother the Last Rites, would the priest reply: "Fuck off, can't you see I'm off duty?" and punch the parishioner in the face? Also, joking aside, who is it that's supposedly attacking clergymen? Militant atheist boot boys? Somehow I can't see Richard Dawkins shaving his head, getting tattoos on his neck and donning a sleeveless t-shirt and Doc Martens just to harass passing priests. Maybe it is down to holidaying Burmese policemen, disappointed that they're missing out on beating up monks back home, perhaps they're targeting the nearest equivalent they can find? Good luck to them. Take my advice - punch a priest today. You'll feel much better for doing it plus, you'll be striking a blow for reason in the war against superstition. That's my excuse, anyway.