Thursday, August 16, 2007

Unrequited Love

Surely the most futile waste of emotional energy imaginable. Unrequited love can only result in pain and heartache. Yet still we persist in being sucked into its embrace - even when we know full well that it is utterly pointless. I know all about it. I'm a serial sufferer. The objects of my affection are nearly always unattainable. The stupid thing is that I know this in my heart from the outset, but I just carry on. The bottom line is that unrequited love is like a drug. Although we know that it is bad for us, we can't help but keep going back because those little moments when you delude yourself into believing you've seen a glimmer of hope in something the object of your desire has said and done give you such a high! For a while you are utterly elated, nothing can bring you down. Pretty soon though, they do or say something else which drags you back to reality and plunges you into the depths of despair.

The absolute worst thing about unrequited love, in my experience, is that it completely robs you of the courage of your convictions. The logical thing to do in such situations would simply be to put your cards on the table and tell the object of your misplaced affections how you feel about them. At least then you'll know for sure, once and for all, where you stand. But you don't. You keep pussyfooting around, hoping for those little highs generated by their smiles, laugh or he odd kind word. You keep deliberately reinterpreting everything they say and rewriting your memories to try and 'prove' to yourself that your feelings are reciprocated, thereby generating a few more of those highs. Again, its back to that drug addiction analogy - if you actually speak your mind and reveal your true feelings, you run the risk of losing them completely, and with them the opium of hope that comes from the furtive approach. Of course, we rationalise this in various ways. My usual rationalisation is that if I come out and actually say something, then I'll risk losing a valued friendship, and as I know they don't reciprocate my feelings, its better to suffer in silence and at least retain a friend.

Well, there you have it - a week of downbeat and melancholy posts rounded off with a sad crie de couer! I really need a rest! Hopefully next week I'll be back to my normal offensive self!

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