Floods of Sin?

So, according to the Bishop of Carlisle, all these floods we’ve been having are God’s judgement on us for ignoring his teachings. Forget global warming, it’s all down to moral decadence, apparently. If we don’t want to see our treasure possessions water damaged, our houses swimming in water and our loved ones drowning, we’ve got to roll back the permissive society and stop introducing laws which undermine institutions like monogamous marriage. You know the sort of laws he means: the ones giving those damned homos equal rights. It’s all their damned fault! If only they hadn’t legalised homosexual relations between consenting adults, then God wouldn’t have had to punish us forty years later. I guess he was a bit busy in between, what with those famines and wars he was inflicting on Africa as punishment for being poor. Oh, and let’s not forget the single mothers. Some of this has to be their fault, undermining the concept of the traditional family unit by daring to bring up children on their own after being divorced, widowed, raped even. Send ‘em to the nunnery and put their bastard offspring into church run orphanages. At least there they can experience the true joy of being sexually abused by an appropriate father-figure.

The inevitable conclusion we must draw from the Bishop’s comments is that large parts of Yorkshire, Oxfordshire and Berkshire, along with the whole of Gloucestershire have been overrun by homosexuals. Luckily, I appear to live in an entirely gay-free area. I just thank God for the local council, who had the foresight to round them all up and stone them to death in the market place. I knew there was a good reason for voting in the neo-Nazis at the last council elections. (I’m joking, obviously. We actually strung a couple up from lamp posts before the rest were run out of town by a mob wielding flaming torches and wearing pillow cases over their heads). Judging by the extent of recent flooding in Bangladesh, I can only conclude that the place was rife with buggery. That’ll teach ‘em not to worship a non-Christian God. I shudder to think what depravities must have been going on in those countries hit by the tsunami a few years ago – after hearing the Bishop’s wise words, I regret donating that twenty quid to them now. The perverted bastards clearly got what they deserved.