Sex Beyond the Law

Of all the strange pronouncements made by the government with regard to the lockdown, I think my favourite has been the so called 'sex ban', with the authorities decreeing that it would be breaking te rules to have sexual relations with someone who was not a member of your household.  (Although, it seems, driving to Durham and back, including a side trip to test your eyesight wasn't an infringement of the rules).  The question that it begs, of course, is how on earth such an edict could ever be enforceable?  Not to mention, by whom?  Did somebody envisage Britain's army of busy bodies and snoopers mobilising themselves to spy on their neighbours?  (To be fair, early on, there were plenty of such people willing to inform on the supposed lockdown transgressions of others, reporting them for exercising out side twice in one day, or walking to a park other than the nearest one to go for a walk).  Was there a campaign of public information films planned, encouraging people to listen to their neighbours' nocturnal activities via a glass placed against the party wall?  Or were the police being prepared to try and regulate the nation's sex life?  After all, there were plenty of police forces prepared to go to extreme lengths to enforce the lockdown, gleefully following dog walkers with drones and  threatening to inspect people's shopping in order the check that they were only buying essential items.  Is it so fanciful to imagine this being extended to having drones - possibly fitted with infrared cameras - hoverig outside bedroom windows, or singles having their shopping searched for condoms and the like?

Not that the police would necessarily have to resort to using drones for sex snooping: they could just consult the local sex offenders register instead, identify the local voyeurs and peeping toms and enlist their help.  I'm sure that these deviants would jump at the chance to see their work legitimised and its 'value' recognised by the authorities.  I've also found myself wondering whether there were any plans to issue an official guide to more satisfactory masturbation during isolation, for the benefit of those on their own.  You know the sort of thing: packed full of helpful hints and tips about how to contruct your own wanking machines from household objects.  Maybe at one of the coronavirus daily updates they could have had a sex expert on hand to elaborate on this. But could there have been any circumstances under which non-same household sex would have been OK?  Perhaps if it was dome at two metres distance in the open air?  Now, I know what you are thinking - that's only going to work for the handful of people endowed like John Holmes.  But I'm sure that the government could have issued another one of those guides, this one detailing how to mount a dildo on a two metre stick and how best to manipulate it, with additional tips about using a cock ring on a long string for women to remotely pleasure men.  It could have given 'dogging' a whole new lease of life.  Except that some police forces would, undoubtedly, have been busy setting up roadblocks to stop punters from making 'non-essential' car journeys to popular 'dogging; spots.