Escape From Galaxy 3 (1981)

I found myself watching Escape From Galaxy 3 this afternoon, when it was being shown on B Movie TV.  It really wasn't a good use of my time.  Another Italian Star Wars cash in, this one is even more cheaply made than any of Alfonso Brescia's similar films.  So cheaply made, in fact, that its special effects sequences are lifted from Starcrash, a far superior slice of Italian science fiction schlock.  (Indeed, in some territories it was even marketed as Starcrash 2, despite having no connection, aside from the recycled effects footage, with Luigi Cozzi's film).  The climactic battle from Starcrash is re-edited to provide Escape From Galaxy 3's opening.  Which, to be frank, is the most exciting part of the film.  After this, while it looks as if it is going to be some kind of chase movie, the plot quickly stalls, with the main story line apparently forgotten,until seemingly being remembered a few minutes before the end for a perfunctory climax.  Not that the plot was any great shakes in the first place, recycling tropes from other (although not necessarily better) films of the same ilk.

The film opens briskly enough, with villainous Oraclon (aka 'King of the Night), played by Don Powell, and his fleet invading Galaxy 3, with the aim of deposing its planets' reigning kings and becoming its supreme ruler.  First up is the peace loving King of Exalon, who refuses to surrender to Oraclon and is consequently destroyed along with his giant spaceship, but not before he has sent his daughter, Belle Star (Sherry Buchanan) and trusted aide Lithan (Fausto di Bella) on a mission to enlist the assistance of allied kings.  Chased clear out of Galaxy 3, the pair find refuge on a planet in another galaxy.  A planet that turns out to be Earth, but a post-apocalyptic future Earth, where what is left of the population have reverted to an agrarian lifestyle and largely abandoned technology.  There follows a lengthy diversion, as Belle Star and Lithan discover the joys of a simpler way of life and we learn that they have no idea what water, love or sex are, (leaving one pondering how they reproduce).  We also learn that their abstention from love and sex renders them practically immortal.  Needless to say, they soon discover the joys of love, sex and water, seemingly forgetting about their mission in the process. They are finally reminded of the mission by the arrival of Orcalon, who starts shooting up the locals.  Attempting to draw the villain away from the planet in their spaceship, the pair are captured.  Aboard Oraclon's ship, they find that the other kings they were meant to be seeking have all been captured and deposed.  But Belle Star distracts Oraclon with the power of love/sex long enough for Lithan to destroy him by shooting rays from eyes (a hitherto unmentioned ability).  The kings are released and Belle Star and Lithan head back to Earth, to live as sexed up mortals.

Even at around ninety minutes, the film drags.  The pacing is off and the tone uneven.  While the pantomime-style villainy of Oraclon and the simplicity of the plot might suggest that the film was aimed at younger audiences, the sex and nudity indicates otherwise.  There is a deeply disturbing moment when Oraclon is able to voyeuristically watch Belle Star and Lithan making love aboard their ship, before capturing them, a feat achieved via one of the many pieces of unexplained 'technology' that populate the film.  The dialogue is dominated by people speaking gibberish relating to the activation of such devices, ("Prepare the uranium vapour rockets!", "Use the hyper-solar missile systems", or "Use the Megamethric Teleprobe and scan the whole Eastern galaxy! Wait! Including the Inquidissidrent Conic Tangents". The main pleasures of the film come from Don Powell's over-the-top performance as Oraclon.  Not only does he dress as if he is in a seventies disco (he even has glitter in his beard), but his control room even looks like a disco, (the action is also accompanied by a disco-style soundtrack, composed by Powell).  The film's cheapness is evident in the cramped sets with flimsy-looking scenery, not to mention the fact that the villain's army never seems to number more than two (non-speaking) members at a time.  Not surprisingly, director Bitto Albertini hides behind a pseudonym, 'Ben Norman'.  The screenwriting credit also seems to pseudonymous - what can you say about a film so bad its writer signs themself off as 'John Thomas'?