Extreme and Depraved?

You don't miss something until it has gone, so they say.  I was reminded of this the other day when I read how one audience member at the Old Vic was assaulted by another audience member after he'd remonstrated with their girl friend for talking on her mobile during a performance.  Damn, I thought.  If only Kevin Spacey was still artistic director there, he could have bent the miscreant over the stalls and bummed him senseless.  Allegedly.  Yes indeed, knowing what we now know about Spacey, I daresay that if he was still at the Old Vic you wouldn't see any of these instances of anti social behaviour, (which are allegedly on the increase in London's theatres) - people wouldn't dare for fear of getting felt up and having their balls groped by Spacey.  Allegedly.  I saw a headline the other day screaming about how Kevin Spacey had once groped some European Royal or other, (I take even less interest in other people's royalty than I do our own).  Is there no end to the man's depravities?  Because fondling the knackers of some minor royal without consent is far worse than doing it to ordinary people, multiple times, allegedly, isn't it?

While we're speaking of those accused of sexual misdemeanours, let us speak once more of Damien Green, the de facto Deputy Prime Minister, who stands accused of having used his official lap top to view internet pornography.  (And, by implication, wank off to it). Originally it was claimed that some of the stuff allegedly found on his laptop was so-called 'extreme porn', which begged the question as to what, exactly, constitutes 'extreme pornography'?  Does it involve naked people simulating sex on mountain tops (like extreme ironing or extreme breast feeding), underwater or whilst at the controls of  a speeding car?  Sadly, as I've noted elsewhere, the government seems to think that stuff like bondage constitutes 'extreme pornography', (despite the fact that Fifty Shades of Grey has made it pretty much mainstream).  Mind you, I think I might have devised a new genre of pornography there - the sort of dangerous sports of sex.  It could be the big new thing with which some of those digital channels can fill up their air time, (at least one of them is down to showing CCTV and phone footage of street fights in the guise of entertainment - which it obviously can't be as they've got George Lamb presenting it).  Remember, you read it here first!