Behind Green's Door

Well, at least now we know why the Tories are so obsessed with internet pornography: they seem to spend a lot of their time looking at it.  Well, allegedly, in the case of Damian Green, the de facto deputy Prime Minister, who, according to the police, had porn on his office computer.  Not just any porn, but so called 'extreme porn'.  I say 'so called' as it is surely all a matter of taste as to what constitutes 'extreme' pornography.  Personally, whenever someone uses that term, I think of stuff like bestiality or child pornography, which, I'm sure, is what most other people would class as 'extreme'.  But the government seems to think that some types of bondage porn are also 'extreme' and need banning.  They really should get out more.  But to get back to the point, it isn't just Green who has been at it - I seem to recall cases of online porn being accessed on mobile devices inside Number Ten during Cameron's premiership, (it was an aide, rather than him, apparently).  They just can't seem to get enough of the stuff, it seems.

Which makes their continued attempts to restrict access to internet smut all the more hypocritical.  Of course, as I've argued previously, the supposed threat of children being exposed to internet porn is merely a Trojan horse, a convenient excuse for the authorities to place restrictions upon our web browsing.  It's the thin end of the wedge: pornography today, who knows what tomorrow.  Who decides what constitutes 'offensive content' on a web site?  Who knows what else will be 'accidentally' blocked along with the porn?  But do you know what I find most disturbing about all of this?  It's the thought that horrible old Tories like Green have probably been sat in their offices at Westminster wanking off over online porn.  I mean, really, can you think of a more horrendous mental image than Damian Green, behind his desk, with his trousers around his ankles giving it the five knuckle shuffle?  Just imagine the embarrassment of his staff in the outer office as they hear the groans as he reaches the vinegar stroke?  Mind you, it is the Commons cleaners I feel most sorry for - people that low paid really shouldn't have to deal with the sticky tissues, let alone the stains on the desk.  There probably isn't any kind of cleaning product strong enough to shift those.  Yes indeed, I shudder to think what goes on behind Green's door.