"These Don't Look Like Children to Me!"

"These don't look like children to me!" bellowed David Davies, Tory MP for Monmouth, as the first child refugees from the so-called 'Jungle' refugee camp in Calais, arrived in Britain.  His complaint was quickly echoed by some of the country's top peadophiles.  "I was very disappointed when I watched the news footage and saw that many of these supposed 'children' were actually strapping lads with beards," convicted nonce Roger Hump opined from his cell in the high security wing of Strangeways Prison.  "I mean, I'm sure there's a market for them out there - probably around King's Cross - but they simply aren't any use to myself or my colleagues."  Hump is firmly of the belief that the government needs to crack down on this kind of deception.  "Look, if they say that these refugees are children, then they have to be under the age of eighteen, preferably under fourteen, otherwise they need to be sent packing," he says.  "The security implications are horrendous - I mean, some innocent peadophile could find themselves faced with some kind of crazed ISIS jihadi, rather than the under age boy he thought he was about to fondle!  We could see British peados being slaughtered by these terrorist bastards disguised as children!"

Henry Polk, a former organiser of the notorious - and banned - Peadophile Information Exchange (PIE), who is currently out of prison on licence from a ten year sentence for possession of child pornography, points out that there is nothing new in the current situation.  "It was the same last year, when two thirds of the little bastards turned out to be overage," he says.  "It's all very disappointing - they keep promising us new blood, but all we get are potential rent-boys for the bloody homos!  It isn't as if that lot are short of those in the first place, is it?"  Polk claims that an influx of new children is essential for Britain's child molesting community.  "Ever since they started kicking up such a bloody fuss about the odd kid getting fiddled with, it's been getting harder and harder for us to get our hands on the domestic 'product'." he complains.  "Personally, I blame that bloody Jimmy Savile - f he hadn't been molesting on an industrial scale, nobody would have cared about the odd kiddie getting inappropriately touched at fairgrounds or shagged for the price of a bag of pick and mix."  Consequently, Polk and his ilk were looking forward to the arrival of groups of stateless, unattached non-English speaking foreign children,whose disappearance into the seamy underbelly of British undeage sex offending wouldn't be noticed.  "It was bad enough  that they were allowing so few of these kiddies into the country in the first place - then most of them turn out to be above the age of consent!  If we don't start getting some new blood in soon, the whole British peadophile scene could be under threat," he warns, "PIE warned about this before we were shut down: the UK could lose its status as one of the world's leading purveyors of child sexual abuse, as our peados are forced to turn to other forms of perversion, like bestiality or necrophilia, instead."