Thursday, April 14, 2011

Out in the Cold

Leading Conservatives have expressed surprise at Vince Cable's criticism of Prime Minister David Cameron's recent speech on immigration. "To be honest, we we'd pretty much forgotten about him," a top Tory source confided. "Let's face it, since that Daily Telegraph debacle, he's been a cabinet minister in name only, hasn't he?" Business Secretary Cable found himself in hot water after telling two journalists posing as constituents, that he had 'declared war on Mr Murdoch', after they asked him about Rupert Murdoch's proposed takeover of SKY TV - an issue Cable was meant to be responsible for overseeing. With responsibility for making a decision on whether or not to allow the takeover swiftly taken away from him, there was much speculation that the hapless Liberal Democrat would quickly be on his way out of government. Indeed, in recent months Cable has cut a forlorn figure, wandering aimlessly about Westminster, with no clear ministerial brief.

"We don't know why he doesn't just do the decent thing and resign," says our source. "We thought he'd get the message after we moved his desk into the lift. But no, he sits there going up and down, pretending to take important calls from colleagues. For God's sake, his phone isn't even connected." Forced out of his office due to essential lift maintenance, Cable has recently taken to wandering the streets between sittings of the Commons. "It's pathetic - he's like one of those men who doesn't have the nerve to tell their wives that they've lost their job, and pretends to go off to work every morning," the source opines. "Still, at least by closing all those libraries, we've forced him to sit on park benches instead. That's all very well in this milder weather, but come winter surely he'll be forced to resign - I mean, how much freezing cold temperatures and snow can a man of his age stand?"

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