Friday, June 04, 2010

Limp and Lifeless

Doubtless, thousands of sad male bastards all over the UK are rejoicing at the news that Cheryl Cole has started divorce proceedings against her estranged husband, Ashley. Even as I type this, they're probably drafting e-mails to her, declaring their undying love and assuring that, unlike Ashley, they'd never cheat on her. Oh yes, right now every overweight, spotty faced, unemployed, semi-literate and maladjusted male fantasist in the country thinks that he's in with a chance. You see every time a famous attractive woman announces that she's split up with her other half - every bloke under the age of seventy with a pulse turns into a potential stalker. Suddenly, they sense the possibility that, instead of just masturbating over a photograph of such woman, they might actually be able to furtively masturbate in the same room as them. Of course, it's even better if the celebrity woman in question is a lesbian and has just split from their girl friend. Then every one of these sad bastards think that they can be the one to turn them and show them what they've been missing. Hell, they've all seen Sean Connery do it to Pussy Galore in Goldfinger.

Quite what any of these sadly deluded losers thinks they have that could possibly attract Cheryl Cole or any other rich and famous woman, (or any woman, at that), isn't really clear. No doubt some of them would claim that they were 'sex machines' or were fabulously well-endowed. However, the fact that they are single and stalking fantasy women would seem to cast doubt on such claims. Still, getting back to Cheryl Cole, she's also been in the news this week for another reason. Or rather, that TV advert for hair products she does has been in the news, after the Advertising Standards people decided that the fact her long, lustrous, shiny and healthy looking locks in said ad were, at least partially, hair extensions, didn't make it misleading. Actually, the best bit of the advert is where she describes the kind of hair you'd have if you didn't use the products she was endorsing: "Flat, limp and lifeless". I bet she's also thinking: "Aye, just like Ashley's cock, now he's not gettin' any from me". And just the way the manhood of all those sad bastards now thinking they're in with a chance are likely to remain for the foreseeable future.

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