Room With a View

For the first time in several years the council have cut back the foliage in the parkland bordering my back garden, meaning that I now have an uninterrupted view of the main road. It also means that my kitchen window can clearly be seen from the flats above the shops opposite. Consequently, I am no longer able to urinate in the kitchen sink if I'm too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom when I get back from the pub. A good alternative to the sink is an empty plastic milk bottle - I can use one of these unseen from the window. I find that, on average, two pints of beer initially produce half a pint of urine (if the markings on those bottles are accurate).

All of which reminds of that weirdo I used to work with who could sometimes be found stood at the urinals simultaneously peeing and drinking from a coffee mug. What the hell was he doing, measuring his through-put? At other times he could be found stood there eating various types of fruit, including bananas, oranges and apples. For all I know he might also have had kiwi fruit or a mango whilst he stood there, but such fruit were never observed. Still, it could have been worse - he could have been shoving them up his bum. Perhaps he was. We just never saw him.