Disable Bodied

Well, the Paralympics are over for another four years, with the UK finishing second in the medals table, with a three figure tally. Now, the cynic in me can't help but feel that getting so many medals isn't that difficult when there are so many events - a version of every sport for every disability, or so it seemed. If we didn't win a medal in the 800m for people with cerebral palsy, then don't worry, they're about to run the version for the one-legged. Having said that, it is the only way to make it a fair competition and allow all competitors an equal opportunity of winning, regardless of disability. But getting - finally - to the point, this whole festival of diversity was marred by the Iranian wheelchair basketball team, who threw a hissy fit over the ties they were handed and refused to play. Apparently they didn't like the fact that they were scheduled to play the US, followed by Israel. One is the great Satan, whilst they don't recognise the existence of the other. Frankly, I don't see what the problem was - if they're convinced that Israel doesn't exist, then that should have been a pretty easy game, shouldn't it? Surely they would have run rings around a non-existent opposition. Of course, the only people hurt by this display of 'principle' were the Iranian players. They'd spent years preparing for these Paralympics - the hours of beatings they'd had to endure in stinking Tehran jail cells to reach that state of disability, and all for nothing, as it turns out.

And there lies what might have been the real reason for the Iranians pulling out - they were afraid that the US and Israel, with all the wars they'd recently been involved in, had produced better disabled athletes than them. It stands to reason, when you think about it - all those physically fit young soldiers being maimed in battle, they make the perfect Paralympians. All of which brings us full circle, back to the number of medals the UK won. Quite obviously this was all down to years of conflict in Northern Ireland - the number of British soldiers who lost limbs, sight, hearing, or were put in wheelchairs by bombs and snipers during the Troubles clearly laid the foundations for our Paralympic success. Frankly, we should be thanking the IRA for their help. All those years of senseless violence weren't wasted. With peace apparently having broken out in the province, we've had to find new wars to keep up our pre-eminence in the Paralympics. Hence our involvement in Iraq and Afghanistan, despite the lack of threat presented by either country. With the spectacular results in Beijing, I'm sure we'll see a few more regional conflicts created before 2012, in order to ensure similar results at the London Paralympics.