Thursday, October 02, 2008

Whatever Happened To...That Bloke Who Bashed Himself Over the Head With a Tray?

Do you remember that bloke whose entire act was to whack himself over the head with a tea tray? He used to be on TV all the time, on things like Crackerjack. Basically, he'd get a tin tea tray and smash it over his head in time to a backing tape - usually something like 'Mule Train'. And that was it. Nothing else. The tray ended up bent out of shape, and he always finished up with a huge livid bruise on his bonce, (needless to say, he was bald as a coot). For some reason, the other day I found myself wondering whatever happened to him? (Apart from suffering brain damage and ending up a drooling vegetable, perhaps). Did smacking yourself over the head simply go out of fashion as a form of entertainment? Or was it more sinister? Was pressure brought to bear by worried parents who thought he was setting a bad example - after all, seeing someone causing themselves massive cranial contusions might encourage kiddies to do the same thing? (Actually, to be fair here, I have to admit that as a child, I did once hit myself over the head with a tray after seeing him on TV, so maybe there's some truth in this. I know that my mother wasn't too pleased - I put quite a dent in the tray).

There's no doubt that his act would never be allowed these days on health and safety grounds alone. Quite apart from the risk of children harming themselves in copycat incidents, there's no way any TV station in the UK would be able to broadcast footage of someone self-harming in this way. Which, of course, raises the question of exactly why a grown man would choose to publicly smash himself over the head with a blunt instrument? Was he suffering from some kind of psychiatric disorder? Was he gripped by an overwhelming urge to try and render himself senseless? Did he whack himself over the head whilst masturbating, or making love to his wife, (or did he smack her around the buttocks with a tray during the act, or is this just one of my fantasies)? Or was he just a poor bastard utterly desperate for fame, yet devoid of any discernible talent? In which case it's a pity he isn't still around, as he'd probably go down a storm on dross like Britain's Got Talent.

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