Thursday, December 14, 2006

Normal For Norfolk?

I suppose we shouldn't really be surprised that Britain's latest serial killings are in East Anglia. I'm afraid one of my enduring prejudices is that I suspect that all residents of this region are inbred weirdoes. I'd characterise them as a bunch of banjo-plucking hillbillies, except that they don't have any hills out that way. Now, I'm quite happy to admit that this bigotry has no basis in personal experience - I've never been to either Norfolk or Suffolk in my life. I nearly went to East Anglia on holiday once, but changed my mind and went to Scotland instead. Subsequently, everybody I know who has been to East Anglia has told me what a lucky escape I'd had. To tell the truth, most of my knowledge of Suffolk come from watching Witchfinder General - my abiding image of the area is of Vincent Price in a Puritan hat pointing at women and shouting "She is a witch!" before burning them at the stake. I'm sure that's still their main form of entertainment on these long winter evenings.

Actually, I've often thought of late that, with personal debt on the increase in the UK, perhaps we should have a 'Debt Collector General'. He could ride into poverty stricken areas, pointing at random women shouting "She is a debtor". Trust me, it would only take a few burnings at the stake in the courtyards of those grotty municipal flats they put the poor into to get the repayments flowing from our sink estates. As a point of fact, we've never actually burnt witches in England - that's reserved for heretics. Witches are just hanged. Now, in Scotland, they regularly burned them. You understand that though; it's bloody cold up there. Getting back to the original point of this rambling, bigoted post, I'm only surprised that they don't have more bizarre murders in East Anglia, what with their violent history and inbreeding. Indeed, we should all be thankful that they're so insular they don't travel much, otherwise none of us would be safe in our beds!

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