Invasion of the Christmas Snatchers

Today I was suddenly afraid. I realised that they might finally have arrived. What triggered my fears was the sight of a flatbed truck loaded with supine Christmas trees driving past me as I was returning to the office this morning. It occurred to me that, lying flat like that, they looked just like the pods in Invasion of The Body Snatchers when they're being shipped out of the town on the backs of trucks. Could it be that Christmas is just a cover for some sinister alien invasion? Just think about it - one of those trees is going to end up in virtually every living room in the UK over the next few weeks. What better way could there be to infiltrate the community?

I'm now gripped by a terrible foreboding. If I'm right then, as families innocently sit around their trees, they'll find their personalities and DNA being absorbed by the evil vegetation. Replicas of them will grow, like grotesque decorations, from the branches of their trees, budding off when fully grown to dispose of the now psychically drained originals. Before we know it, every home in these islands will be occupied by a family of grinning Christmas obsessed clones, hell bent on converting the entire world to the nightmare of an eternal Christmas. Credit cards will be maxed out, overdrafts extended to the limits and homes remortgaged to fuel their genetically driven consumer urges, as they follow the advice of the TV ads and buy, buy, buy!

So, I'm urging you all - burn those evil trees! Under no circumstances allow them into your homes! Indeed, I sincerely believe that we must immediately launch a guerilla campaign against these insidious invaders. Every garden centre, filling station or formerly vacant lot seen selling Christmas trees should be immediately torched. Any plantations seen growing them must be cut down. Arm yourselves my brothers and sisters! It isn't too late - we can still save ourselves! Just grab that axe or chainsaw and join me as I storm those plantations...