The Joys of Summer

So here we are, August at last - the 'silly season' no doubt imminent - and I still don't feel as if I've actually done anything 'seasonal' yet this Summer. That's the trouble with taking your main summer break at the end of August (as I habitually do) - you tend to see June, July and most of August as simply part of the journey to the holidays, and consequently tend to do nothing special during them. You wouldn't believe the opportunities for traditional British summer fun that I've passed up over the last couple of weekends, actually. Instead of visiting my elderly mother the other Sunday I could, instead, have visited my local fruit and vegetable show - it was so important that the AA (Automobile Association, not Alcoholics Anonymous) had it signposted! They were obviously expecting lots of out of town visitors for that one. not surprising really, as it apparently included Donkey rides!

Mind you, when I got to my mother's (she lives about thirty five miles away), I found that there was a tent exhibition on in her town - I'm still kicking myself for not going to that one! However, even this past weekend, there was no let up in the Summer excitement - I could have gone to the regional Game Fair (whilst I'd like to believe that this simply involved lots of pale skinned gits sitting in tents fiddling with their Playstations and X-Boxes, I suspect it actually involved shooting things with fur and/or feathers). This was obviously so popular that two alternative routes were signposted, one of which seemed to involve a hundred mile detour. Having missed another opportunity to get involved in some seasonal fun, I was even more disappointed to find, as I drove back home that evening, something called 'Music in the Air' closer to home, had apparently passed me by. At least the road signs said 'Music in the Air' - I rolled down the car windows and switched off the radio, but I couldn't hear anything. Still, all is not lost - I'm told that this weekend there is a hot air balloon event in the park opposite my house. Oh happy days - awakened at seven o'clock on a Saturday morning by the sound of those bloody heaters they use to inflate the balloons! Also, if past experience is anything to go by, there won't be any balloons amusingly shaped like huge breasts or genitalia to keep the puerile minded like myself amused.

It never ceases to amaze me, the varied ways in which we Brits keep ourselves amused during the Summer! Of course, by the time I actually take my break, all these events will be over - I'll be lucky to find a village fete to attend! Actually, it is years since I went to one of these - for the past several summers I've been promising myself that I'll spend at least one Saturday afternoon at a fete, but I still haven't got around to it. The truth is, I'd probably be deeply disappointed and be reminded of just why I don't go to the bloody things any more, (just like I was reminded the other day of why I haven't eaten pork scratchings with my beer in years - bloody disgusting; I had to throw half the packet away!). Still, all those cake contests judged by vicars and endless raffles for yet more homemade cakes and wine, have a certain appeal... Next year, perhaps. Or even better, maybe I could organise my own fete, a very sleazy fete...