All Very Confusing, Really ...

I've been left confused, nay, bewildered even, by recent developments in the world of sport. It appears that professional cyclists are all eunuchs - they all have to have their nads surgically removed before they can participate in events such as the Tour de France. I know it sounds incredible, and I'm not sure why this rule applies (perhaps it has something to do with reducing wind resistance or lessening the threat of cross-bar accidents), but apparently this is the case. How else can one explain the fact that the winner of this year's Tour de France faces an investigation after he tested positive for testosterone? I mean, if it had been a woman rider in one of these events who had tested positive for testosterone, then I think there would be cause for concern (although I suspect the urine test would be superfluous; the stubble and deep voice would surely be a more obvious give away). However, I'd be bloody worried if a bloke didn't test positive for a naturally occurring male hormone.

OK, so I've since learned that what they meant to say in those news reports was that he'd tested positive for an excess of testosterone. Apparently athletes sometimes take doses of it to improve their stamina. And probably counteract the effects of all those steroids they take by deepening their voices, improving their sex drive and giving them a rock-hard erection. Maybe that's why athletes have taken to shaving their heads in recent years - it has nothing to do with lowering wind resistance, it is to cover up the drastic hair loss that excessive testosterone levels can cause. Of course, in the case of the cyclist, he might just be one of those incredibly masculine guys who naturally produces too much testosterone - if he didn't go in for gruelling long-distance cycle racing, he'd probably have to whack off over porn magazines at least six times a day to expend all that excess sex drive.

Having cleared up one area of confusion in my life, I find myself with a confused response to other new developments. The Sleaze has been enjoying a very high level of traffic today as a result of the Bill Clinton pornbot story being picked up by Fark. Whilst, obviously, I'm always happy to see any of my stories getting wider exposure, and being 'Farked' is considered (in some quarters) to be a big deal, I still think that the majority of Fark members are total tossers. There, I've said it! What an ungrateful bastard I am, eh? Actually, no. I didn't ask to be linked to and, unlike some internet satire editors, I've never actively tried to get farked . The bottom line is, that despite the traffic this has generated, I can't help but feel that there are some types of people I don't want to read or enjoy my stories! A paradox, I know - if I don't write and publish the things with the hope that people will read them, what's the point? - but there you have it! Sadly, in this business you can't choose your audience; the bastards choose you!