Unsolved Mysteries...

Whilst painting my hallway the other day, my thoughts wandered (as they are prone to do whilst decorating) to contemplate some of the great unsolved mysteries of the ages, such as the Bermuda Triangle, Stone Henge and the wrecking of the Blue Peter garden. They've never really got to the bottom of that last one, have they? I know there were claims some years ago that former Tottenham striker Sir Les Ferdinand and some of his mate - when they were teenagers - were the culprits, but the goal-scoring maestro has since denied this, claiming his 'confession' was just a joke.

So, who, or what, was really responsible for this heinous crime, which left junior horticulturalists the length and breadth of Britain traumatised? There's been a persistent rumour that none other than former Blue Peter presenter Peter Purves was the guilty party. According to this thesis (which, for legal reasons, I emphasise is merely a rumour with no basis whatsoever in fact), a disgruntled Purves, fuming at having been given the sack from the programme for being 'too old', went to the BBC bar, got pissed and then went and trashed the Blue Peter garden; tearing up shrubs, pissing in the pond and spray painting obscene allegations about former colleague Valerie Singleton's private life all over the crazy paving. Of course, the main flaws with this theory are that: a) Purves had left the programme several years before the attack; and b) he wasn't sacked. Apart from that, it is a great hypothesis. Sadly, it must be classified along with the story that Animal Magic presenter Johnny Morris was on the list of British sympathisers Rudolf Hess had when he parachuted into Scotland in 1941, as one of those fabulous tales you wish was true, but which you know sadly isn't.

All of which brings us back to the question of who did do it? Were the guilty parties followers of the jackal-headed Ancient Egyptian god Anubis, who mistook the cast bronze head of deceased Blue Peter dog Petra for an altar to their deity? Upon realising their mistake, did they attempt to destroy what they saw as a blasphemous parody of their deity? Another explanation, so bizarre it could just be true, is that the gardener Blue Peter got in to replace the late Percy Thrower when he died, turned out to be completely deranged and attempted tore-grow his predecessor from 'cuttings'. Upon finding Percy's fingers and toes planted in the garden's herbacious borders, BBC chiefs had no choice but to dig the who le thing up in case there were any more bits of him buried there. The whole vandalism story was concocted as a cover. A pretty neat explanation, eh? Certainly no more fantastic than any of the others I've heard.

So, there you have it - disgruntled ex-employee, teenage gangs or bizarre horticultural rites; which was really behind the vandalisation of the Blue Peter garden? The answer is - we just don't know. (Cue shot of me walking away down a beach whilst holding an umbrella as the cedits roll and that spooky music plays).