Thursday, March 23, 2006

Getting a Grip On Things...

An e-mail exchange with a (female) friend the other day brought up that old chestnut as to whether or not men are capable of multi-tasking. Personally, I always find it highly insulting when people (mainly women), claim that the average bloke is incapable of performing more than one task at a time. Whilst there are many examples I could cite to disprove this slur against my sex, I feel that I only need to use a single one to illustrate my point: geeks. Computer geeks to be accurate. The way they manage to operate their PCs, surfing the net through multiple browser windows in search of ever more exotic erotica, as they simulataneously jerk off at the teen porn site displayed in their main window.

Now, I know what you are going to say: "Hey, that's still only doing two things at once, and neither moving and clicking a mouse, nor fiddling with your bits is particularly complicated!" But it isn't that simple, though! Quite apart from the surfing and the wanking (which actions utilise both hands), they still have to wipe the screen clean, (get a good, hot site and that jism can spray everywhere...) and keep a lookout in case their mother walks in. And let's not forget all the firewalls and proxy servers they have to navigate to avoid detection whilst looking at certain types of porn site, not to mention all the hacking to get round passwords and credit card requests!

And let's not forget the actual act of masturbation itself - I find that women always underestimate its complexity. It simply isn't as simple as just manually manipulating old Comrade Wobbly. Oh no. There's a technique, a skill, to getting the best out of it - the grip, the speed, everything has to be precise. Perhaps most important of all is the fantasy accompanying it - choose the wrong fantasy sex object and it could deflate before your eyes. She has to be someone who really fires your imagination to come up with a truly satisfying sexual fantasy. Indeed, so important is this aspect of whacking off, that I've never understood why telling a woman that she is an object of your masturbatory fantasies isn't considered a compliment. Surely being told that you are the most vital ingredient to a successful hitchhike under the big top is just about the most flattering thing any woman can be told by a sex-starved perv?

I guess I'll never understand women...



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