Rehabilitating Evil

Now that the former President of Syria is safely in exile in Moscow, doubtless the task of rehabilitating him will begin.  Because just about anybody, no matter how horrendous their crimes and behaviour might have been, can be publicly rehabilitated these days.  One minute they are being denounced as an utter bastard by the press, within a few months, sometimes even weeks, they've got a column in the Daily Mail, then they start making tentative appearances on the BBC, in the guise of being an 'expert commentator' or 'former statesman', next thing they've got a book out and suddenly the media are fawning all over them again in a round of high profile publicity junkets.  Not that it always goes to plan: just look at poor Liz Truss, she's never managed to get beyond the extreme right lunatic fringe speaking tour and even there, nobody seems to want to listen to her lunatic ramblings.  But it isn't just disgraced politicians who can get rehabilitated these days - criminals, too, can be given the whitewash job, with history suitably massaged either to justify their actions and/or show that they were merely misunderstood.  Perhaps there was a miscarriage of justice, or maybe the law was just plain wrong and they shouldn't have been convicted in the first place.  Blown away an unarmed burglar - as they were leaving the premises - with a shotgun?  Hell, you aren't a murderer, not even a vigilante: it was self defence, a proud Englishman defending his property. Besides, the dead guy was just a Pikey, anyway, so deserved it.  Suddenly you are a national hero to the right-wing press and can get interviewed on Radio 4 while still in Jail.

I'm betting that if Jimmy Savile had been alive to face his accusers, they'd have found some way to rehabilitate him - maybe all those people he sexually assaulted were 'asking for it', deliberately giving him the 'come on', then having second thoughts afterward.  'It was all a conspiracy' is a risky defence, but sometimes it can open a path to rehabilitation. Just look at Donald Trump - disgraced President wo denied an election result and tried to mount an insurrection, adjudicated rapist, convicted felon, with countless other criminal charges pending against him and, lo and behold, President again after four years re-casting himself as the victim of multiple conspiracies.  So, just give Assad a bit of time and he too could be reinvented as a 'good guy'.  After all, the luck's with him - unlike fellow Middle Eastern dictators Qaddafi and Saddam, he's at least managed to avoid retribution in the form of a violent death and trial and execution.  Plus, he's safe in Moscow (so long as he doesn't fall out of a window), capital of a nation adept at casting itself as the victim, even when they invade neighbours without provocation.  In fact, they seem to have persuaded a large number of dupes globally that Ukraine was somehow 'asking for it' and that its democratically constituted government is somehow illegitimate, compare to its own leader who wins unopposed because he's locked up all of his opponents.

But where to start with Assad?  Some charity work, perhaps?  Monsters have, historically, liked to hide behind charitable work that makes them look like saints.  I well remember how, back in the day, you weren't allowed to say a bad word about Jimmy Savile, let alone suggest that some of those rumours about him might have substance, because 'he does a lot for charity' and therefore beyond reproach.  So, that would be my initial approach to rehabilitating Assad: large charitable donations, (after all, he's going to have millions, probably billions looted from Syria during his time in power), preferably to charities associated with helping children.  Especially sick children.  Then build from there: maybe set up his own charitable foundation doing some kind of research into horrible childhood diseases, perhaps even set up the odd clinic or two, to treat them.  All the time, of course, it would be essential that he had pictures taken of himself with sick kiddies.  Lots of pictures.  Oh, not to forget his glamourous wife - lots of pictures of her with sick kiddies and generally doing worthy shit while dressed in designer clothes would work wonders, too.  

If all else fails, he could always try what is fast becoming the 'go to' defence for wrong-doers everywhere to justify themselves and garner sympathy: 'it wasn't my fault I groped those women/embezzled those funds/cheated on my wife/murdered thousands of people in a genocide (delete as applicable) - I couldn't help myself as I'm neurodivergent.'  Gregg Wallace is a pioneer here, so much so that Boris Johnson has also tested the waters with a variation.  Not that it is entirely new, being an update on the old favourite, 'I'm suffering from dementia', deployed the likes of Mohammed Al Fayed to avoid rape charges, for instance.  It doesn't generate as much sympathy as the neurodivergent bollocks, but has proven surprisingly successful.  So, there you have it, Assad's path back to respectability.  Mark m y words, give it six months, a year at tops and he'll be on Good Morning and Loose Women, smiling away, telling the hosts all about his latest good works and how his memoirs are now in all good bookshops.