Britain's Got Piety

So, this Archbishop of Canterbury business, it's left me a little perplexed.  I mean, the geezer says he's stepping down because of the 'mishandling' on his watch of child sex allegations against a priest. but he's still there, living in the Palace of Lambeth, still attending functions in an official capacity until a successor is appointed.  I mean, in any normal organisation, he's have been relieved of his duties and an interim Acting Archbishop appointed.  Moreover, it just underlines how prissy and up themselves the C of E are - this sort of thing happens all the time in the Roman Catholic church, but nobody ever resigns or gets sacked. In fact, they are usually promoted.  Anyway, getting back to the Archbishop of Canterbury, the search is apparently now on for a replacement, with the media suggesting that most contenders wouldn't touch the job with a barge pole, seeing it as a poisoned chalice after the circumstances of the current incumbent's resignation.  Which begs the question as to whether the C of E should try looking out of the box for a replacement.  Perhaps they should look to transfer someone in from another denomination - a liberal minded Catholic, maybe, who'd be glad to turn a blind eye to contraception and women's reproductive rights in exchange for there being no celibacy rule for priests.  It could be a great opportunity for a sexually frustrated Catholic to shag without sin.  

But they could go beyond looking at just their local rivals for fresh blood - how about a Voodoo with doctor (good for boosting inclusivity)?  It would certainly liven up those Sunday services if the blood of Christ had to be obtained by cutting the head off of a chicken.  What about the Church of Satan?  I mean, they already have a connection to the Christian faith and a knowledge of the sacred books, mythology and lingo.  Black masses, naked orgies and buggery on the altar could provide a great alternative for those bored by the regular Christmas services.  But why not go the whole hog and run a talent contest to select a new Archbishop?  A sort of 'Britain's Got Piety', perhaps.  It could be open to all, with the remit being that the contestants should be putting emphasis upon being entertaining as much as on being good Christians.  After all, the C of E really needs to start finding ways of getting congregations back on pews ans stripping vicars who can juggle Bibles while delivering a sermon could be just the ticket.  Or that guy who throws crucifixes, rather than knives, at a scantily clad nun assistant could be the answer.  Who knows?  But they aren't going to find out until they hold this ecclesiastical talent contest which, if televised, could also prove to be a nice little earner for the C of E, generating plenty of cash for the church roof repair fund.