Sex Monster and the Ape

Is it just me, or is Boris Johnson getting more bestial and ape-like in appearance with every passing day?  You know what I mean - the increasingly hunched posture, the unintelligible grunting when he tries to speak, that ever thickening neck and protruding lower lip.  Every time he appears on TV now, I expect him to be dragging his knuckles on the ground.  Or eating bananas.  I strongly suspect that his 'mating ritual', by which he attracts unfortunate women to impregnate, involves him beating his chest and bellowing.  I know I'm not imagining these things.  They are actually happening.  Perhaps he's the victim of some African curse of the type one finds in fifties B-movies, whereby some witch doctor has put a spell on him - possibly as revenge for those cuts in the aid budget.  Then again, could it be a Covid side-effect?  Should we expect to see more people who have contracted the virus going hairy and savage?  I suppose that he could be suffering some sort of genetic throwback in reaction to the vaccine or something.  Personally, though, I think that it is all down to some sort of diabolic pact that Johnson has entered into, in order to keep his libido ever potent.  You know the sort of thing - he stays virile while he has a painying in the attic that gets ever more wanked-out looking and ravaged.

Except that it isn't a painting, but an ape that he has in that hypothetical attic.  As Johnson gets ever more hairy and bestial, yet incredibly virile, impregnating women left right and centre, that ape is getting ever more refined and human, but under-sexed.  So, while Boris finds himself swinging from chandeliers and having to shave his entire hairy body twice a day to keep up the facade of humanity, there's this increasingly intellectual ape, working his way through the classics in their original Greek and Latin and writing a dissertation on the works of Baudelaire, while drinking tea with his little finger cocked.   In fact, perhaps the ape is Dominic Cummings and his split from Johnson is down to the latter wanting to stop the deal and take back his human faculties?  The question, of course, is whether Boris is aware of his rapidly diminishing mental capacity?  Indeed, does he even care, as he now has a dong the size of King Kong's?  But just how long can Downing Street keep up the pretence that the Prime Minister is still a human being?  Sooner or later he's bound to go berserk, grab the BBC's Laura Keunsberg and climb up the tower of Big Ben with her clutched in his hairy hand.  What will they do then?  Call out the RAF which, thanks to Tory defence cuts now consists of two Spitfires and a Hurricane, to shoot him off of the tower?  These things perplex me.