Inhumane Destruction

You know what makes my blood boil?  Well. like any self-respecting Gammon, I get extremely angry when I don't see justice done.  Just look at this recent case where a grandmother was mauled to death by two dogs that got into her garden - now we learn that the animals involved have been humanely destroyed.  Humanely?  It is just typical of the namby pamby liberalism that afflicts this modern world that these murderous canine delinquents are allowed the luxury of painless euthanasia while their victim died in terror and agony.  The bastards should have been given the most inhumane deaths imaginable - torn apart by hungry tigers, perhaps.  At the very least, they should have been tied up, then beaten to death with pillow cases full of bricks - a suitably painful and lingering death for these homicidal hounds.  Oh, I know what you bed-wetting snowflakes are saying, while wringing you hands, that it isn't the fault of the dogs, but of their owner, that it is he who should be held to account.  Well, fine - he should have his cock and balls cut and fend to his dogs in front of them, then dangled upside on a rope while they - having got a taste for the git - tear him to pieces.  Then, of course, the dogs would have to beaten to death with pillow cases full of bricks because, you know, they'd have become man eaters with a dangerous taste for human flesh.

It's about time that we got back to basics and started making the punishment fit the crime: arsonists, for instance, should have petrol poured over them before being set alight.  Murderers should be executed in a similar manner to the way in which they killed their victims: stabbed, shot, strangled, bludgeoned or poisoned as appropriate.  But where would you find the sort of people needed to execute criminals in such a grisly fashion, I hear the bed wetters cry.  Well I, for one would be more than happy to perform this socially beneficial function.  In fact, I would be honoured to dispatch a few anti-social murdering bastards - or even bugger a few rapists to within an inch of their lives.  I would have absolutely no qualms about it.  But would you be prepared to execute anyone if there was a chance they were wrongfully convicted, these same snowflakes ask.  Obviously I would - their conviction wouldn't been down to me. My conscience would be clear.  Besides, they are bound to be guilty of something - their type always is.  Ah, they then ask, but would you be prepared to risk being wrongly convicted and horribly executed?  Which is an utterly ridiculous question - people like me don't go around committing such crimes.  Or if they do, don't get caught.  Even if I were to kill someone, I have sufficient connections with the right people to ensure that any court would see it, rightly, as self-defence.  So, you see, the system I propose is fool proof - only the right sort of people would be convicted and punished, not decent, patriotic, types like us.