Hard Core Hard Drive?

Hell, as nobody is allowed to read anything about US politics because of the election (see previous post for details), let's indulge in some fake news of our own.  I mean, what harm can it possibly do?  The polls must be closing, anyway.  So, the other day this bloke from Preston contacted me - apparently he runs a computer repair shop and he reckons that he's got Rudy Guiliani's old laptop.  Yeah, really.  He told me that the former New York mayor and personal attorney to President Trump, had come to his shop, in Lancashire, and sold him this second hand laptop.  Yeah, I know Guiliani in Preston?  In the middle of a pandemic, with Tier Three restrictions likely to be applied there at any moment?  Obviously I had doubts, but the guy assured me that it was definitely him - not only did the laptop have Rudy's initials -RG - burned into its plastic casing, but he described the guy who sold it to him as 'this bald American guy with a really yappy voice'.  I still wasn't convinced - I mean, just why would he go all the way to Preston to sell an old laptop?  Surely they must have second hand computer stores in New York?  But the guy said that maybe Guiliani had just been worried that if he sold it in New York, it might fall into the wrong hands and be used for political purposes - just look at what had happened to Hunter Biden's alleged old laptop.

Well, that was enough to convince me that maybe he was on to something.  Anyway, he went on to tell me that he was contacting me because he knew that, a minor league purveyor of smut and slander, I might br interested in the contents of the hard drive.  This he claimed, was just chock full of gay porn - big naked guys with muscles, all oiled up and performing various acts.  Now, there's nothing illegal about owning gay pornography, of course.  After all, it's not like he had kiddie porn all over it - he's not a Tory MP, for God's sake - but nonetheless, it did seem odd for someone in his position to have a hard drive full of.  The computer guy said that his first thought that was maybe these guys were prominent Democrat politicians that Rudy had been collecting dirt on, but on closer examination, they all seemed to be rent boys.  Obviously, I was intrigued and, in exchange for an appropriate remuneration he agreed to send me the hard drive.  Except that it still hasn't arrived.  I've contacted the computer guy again and he assures me that he posted it - obviously it has been lost in the post.  Still, I'm sure that, like those Hunter Biden documents that Fox News lost in the post, it will turn up - we'll just have to wait for the Post Office to sort themselves out...