Not the Usual Gentleman

I see that Michael Gove is in the news again today.  Apparently, he wasn't 'the usual gentleman' and didn't use 'usual diplomatic language', when meeting the European Commission Vice President, in order to tell him that, basically, the UK was going to renege on a previously agreed legal agreement.  Which begs the question of what language he did use.  Did he add 'so there!', or 'yah, boo, sucks to you, Johnny Foreigner', to the end of his statement?  Or did he finish by saying 'now go fuck yourself'?  Certainly, the bit about not being 'the usual gentleman' would suggest the latter.  Which wouldn't be surprising.  These supposedly smooth and sophisticated types always let the mask slip and reveal themselves as complete bastards.  Although, in Gove's case, there's never really been any question as to whether or not he was a bastard - we've always known that, it was just that he liked to give the impression that he was a smooth bastard.  But, as I say, eventually they all give themselves away as foul mouthed, unprincipled shits.  Damn it, I bet he makes obscene phone calls as well.  I mean, I don't actually have any proof that he does, but he looks the type, doesn't he?

He strikes me as the type who rings up housewives and tries to smooth talk them into taking their clothes off - if it doesn't work, he probably directs a stream of foul mouthed abuse down the phone at them.  If it does work, he probably gets them to talk dirty to him.  Gove just looks the sort who would get off on that sort of thing.  If he were to make obscene calls which, of course, we have no evidence of him doing.  Even though I strongly suspect that he has an untraceable pay-as-you-go phone he uses for the purpose, although, again, I have no proof of it.  But I bet he isn't the only one who might do that sort of thing - I bet that loads of those sleazy bastards in this government do it.  Boris Johnson - he looks the sort, as well.  Mind you, if he were to make obscene phone calls, (which we have no evidence of him doing), he'd be the heavy breathing type - despite being full of bravado when he dialled the number, I reckon that he'd lose his nerve and be unable to speak.  Now, Dominic Cummings - I bet that he wouldn't have the nerve to make an obscene phone call himself .  No, he'd get Boris or Gove to do it, then listen in, as he played with himself.  If he did that sort of thing, which, obviously, we have no evidence that he does.  The odious little creep.  I've no doubt that voyeurism would be his thing - maybe that's what all this bollocks about his 'mission control', with all those screens on the wall showing government data is all about.  I bet that, in reality, they'll be showing footage from all the spy cams that he's got the Security Service to install in people's bedrooms.  Not that I have any proof of this - or that he is a nasty little furtive perv.  He just looks like one.

Before I go, I have to say that Diana Rigg, who died today, was probably the first crush I ever remember having.  I could only have been six or seven when watching her in repeats of The Avengers on ITV when I became aware of my adulation for her or, to be more accurate, the character she was playing: Emma Peel.  Like many men of my age, I consequently had a lifelong fixation on Diana Rigg.  For a while, it was my ambition to have a job where I could drive around in a vintage Bentley, accompanied by a leather-clad posh bird who could beat people up.  Sadly, it was never to be.