A Quiet Start?

Well, we've finally made it to the end of January.  Not that much happened during the month - Australia caught fire, Trump tried to start a war with Iran by assassinating one of its generals on Iraqi soil, before himself facing impeachment and a contagious virus has swept through China resulting in cities being quarantined.  So, the usual uneventful start to a new year.  I always feel that once we get the general boredom of January out of the way, the year can start properly - things can start happening and it can take shape.  But 2020 seems determined to hit the ground running, throwing curve balls at us from the off.  The most pressing question is what is going to kill us first?  A third world war instigated by Trump or the Coronavirus?  Mind you, they say that it is a virus causing all this chaos in China, but I strongly suspect that it is actually the start of the Zombie Apocalypse.  I mean, unless schlock cinema has lied to me, events in China are unfolding just as they do when you have an outbreak of the living dead: cities put on lockdown, the military imposing travel restrictions, hospitals being overwhelmed by infected victims.  Maybe there really was a virus - in those films zombie infestations are often the result of some kind of weird mutated virus.

it's all reminiscent of that supposed Ebola outbreak in parts of Africa the other year.  That was so obviously a poorly hushed up zombie outbreak.  Just look at the way so many resources were suddenly committed to it by the rest of the world.  Damn it, we all know that the rest of the world doesn't give a toss about Africa - except when its dead start rising and going on the rampage.  The UN had to intervene in order to contain it to Africa - there's no way they were going to let it spread to the wealthy nations of the globe.  But it isn't going so well in China.  Already cases are being reported in other parts of the world.  Even here in the UK.  Trust me, before you know it we're going to have troops with flame throwers incinerating huge piles of the recently dead in order to stop them from rising.  If it starts getting out of hand then we'll probably see the government authorising the nuking of northern cities in order to protect London.  That said, our privatised transport system is so chaotic that it would probably prove impossible for the zombie contagion to spread too far.  Yes indeed, that is undoubtedly what 2020 has in store for Britain: death and destruction at the hands of the living dead.  But don't worry - we've got Boris Johnson in charge.  What could possibly go wrong?