Celebrity Cull

Do we need to start culling celebrities?  Not just because there are so many of them these days.  Though God knows, that alone would be reason enough to start taking them down.  I mean, once upon a time you actually had to have done something to be famous.  Now all you need to do is to have been on some 'reality' show seen by three people on an obscure cable channel.  Or related to somebody who was on such a show.  They just seem to multiply these days, these so called 'celebrities'.  Because if it isn't 'reality' TV then it is those talent shows promoting people with no talent.  You know, just about every day now I see some tabloid story other about some 'celebrity' and how they are breaking up with someone, flashing their knockers/knob on the beach or having drunken antics somewhere, and ask myself, who are these people?  I've never heard of any of them.  Yet they fill column inch after column inch.  The internet is even worse - not only is it awash with with the doings of celebrities, but just by being on the web you can apparently become a celebrity.  Just set up a You Tube channel and talk bollocks and you are away.  It is getting so that they are like an infestation.

But, as I said, tat isn't the main reason why we should be considering a cull.  It is because too many of them are 'going rogue', suddenly spouting idiotic 'opinions' that they clearly think shows their intelligence, but instead reveals them as moronic reactionaries.  Just look at that that Laurence Fox - previously known for being a supporting actor on an Inspector Morse spin off, he appears on Question Time and starts trying to tell us hat racism isn't a problem as long as it isn't overt.  Next thing, he's all over the press and social media pursuing a 'war against wokeness', which is simply revealing him for the dick that he actually is. His entire fan club disappointed and disillusioned in well swoop.  Quite literally tens of people suddenly had all their illusions shattered.  But he isn't the only one - who can forget that intellectual giant Meatloaf's assertion that Greta Thunberg had been brainwashed into believing in climate change?  Clearly, they and their ilk need to be culled before they can shatter the worlds of more adoring fans.  The trouble is, though, that if we wait for them to spout idiotic bollocks before we cull them, then the damage is already done.  What we really need is some kind of early warning system, to predict the slide into crackpottery and enable action to be taken before it happens.  Years ago I worked with a bloke who thought we should have such a system to give us warning of famous women likely to suddenly come out as lesbians, so that he wouldn't have to waste time writing them fan mail.  He reckoned that we should have them monitored by spy satellites, so as to see if they were wearing comfortable shoes.  Obviously, that was just sexist, but we clearly need something similar to detect the celebrity crackpots.

But how best to carry out the cull?  Should we just gas them like badgers?  Seal them into their mansions, stick a hosepipe connected to the exhaust of a car through the letter box and rev the engine?  Or perhaps we should be more subtle: invite them to something they'd be guaranteed to turn up to, like the opening of an envelope, then, when they get there, usher them int a room and get them with the old bolt gun.  You know, the humane killer they use on cattle - straight between the eyes, they won't feel a thing.  Maybe we could have health spas that are actually death camps - what they think is a sauna is actually a gas chamber.  Mass drownings in the swimming pool, perhaps.  The ultimate solution would be to set up a fake reality show, like I'm a Celebrity, say, tell them that they have been selected to take part, then make out sure that all of the challenges are fatal.  You could even televise it - people are so ghoulish that they are bound to tune in.  Then again, rather than I'm a Celebrity, perhaps it could be patterned after Love Island and see the blokes fall prey to a murderous femme fatale and the women to a crazy sex killer of the kind found in giallo movies. I know it all sounds cruel, but believe me, it has to be done.