Thursday, May 02, 2019

Drinking on the House

I think that I'm going to have to revisit that idea had years ago of setting up my own pub at home.   Back then, I was tempted to convert my front room into a private bar in the face of my local pub's decline under the stewardship of the world's worst landlord - it was being overrun by rampant arseholes (said landlord had attempted to use them as replacements for the pub's established regular clientele, who he despised, but quickly found that he couldn't control them as they wreaked havoc and drove away other customers).  But, I found another pub to drink in and, eventually, he left and new landlords took over my local, so the home pub idea went into abeyance.  Now, however, I'm in the situation of my local being closed after the most recent landlord went out of business - Punch Taverns, who own the head lease, seem in no hurry to reopen it.  The next nearest pub, a Wetherspoons, sells cheap (and surprisingly good) beer, but has poor service, is full of arseholes and is owned by an even bigger arsehole of a Brexiteer.  Now, I had every intention this evening, of wandering further afield in search of a new regular watering hole, but this week back at work has left me shattered and I was just too tired to be bothered going out at all.  Which brings me back to the idea of setting up my own pub at home.

I mean, just look at the advantages: no having to go out in all weathers in seacrh of somewhere decent to drink, the guarantee that there will always be beers I like on tap, (not to mention that, at supermarket prices, they'll be even cheaper than Wetherspoons), no last orders and no closing time.  Plus, there will positively be no arseholes.  Now, I know what you are thinking: surely you can get the same experience by simply sitting at home with a can of beer, without all the fake pub trimmings.  But that would lack the 'ambience' I like in a good pub.  That said, a friend of mine once remarked that a good pub feels like an extension of your living room.  Which is really what I'm looking for - somewhere that feels a bit like being in a living room, without it actually being my living room.  Which is why I'm not really looking to recreate the lounge bar of a pub in my front room, (I have seen home pubs created in garages and sheds, a friend of a friend has one where he and his mates drink, his wife was quite tolerant of it until he installed a condom machine in the bathroom), but rather an intimate drinking space, where one can relax with a pint or two.  Somewhere that you can invite select people to join you in for one of those entertaining pub chats, but without all the interruptions and distractions from arseholes.  No blaring juke boxes or crappy live 'entertainment', either.  Obviously, the chances of me ever actually doing this are slim, as I'm just too lazy to put in the effort.  Indeed, a simpler approach might be to revisit my 'World Wide Pub' idea, a sort of video chat room linking together drinkers from across the world for a pint.  With current video messaging systems, that one might actually be practical now.  Mind you, it would have to be invitation only, more like a gentleman's drinking club than a pub, otherwise we'd quickly be overrun by the online arseholes.



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