Bent Out of Shape

I'm always more than slightly surprised whenever Uri Gellar turns up - I'm always mildly shocked to find that he's still around.  I mean, spoon-bending and all that schtick just isn't a thing any more, is it?  Is there anybody who still believes in all that 'power of the mind' bollocks?  After all, every other 'street magician' with a show on an obscure digital channel does the same sort of stuff these days, without claiming that it is anything other than an illusion.  But, apparently, Uri Gellar is still around and, these days, he has his sights set much higher than simply bending cutlery.  Nowadays he wants to use his mental powers to halt Brexit.  At least, that's what he told Theresa May last month.  Arguably, the two extensions to Article 50 so far granted by the EU would seem to prove that his efforts are working.  Nevertheless, I can't help but feel that his mental powers could be better employed elsewhere - I'm pretty sure that the government's own incompetence will take care of delaying, perhaps even halting completely, Brexit.  There are, after all, more pressing problems facing the UK - knife crime, for instance.  Now, if ever there were an issue where Gellar's alleged powers could be properly be employed, then surely it is that of young people knifing each other.  Can you imagine the effect it would have if, every time some kid tried to stab another, the blade bent before it could penetrate the victim?

Now, I don't know how Gellar's 'powers' supposedly work, but if he can, apparently, halt Brexit, just by 'thinking' about it, then it surely isn't beyond the realm of possibility that, by focusing his mind on knife crime, he could send out an 'aura' that bends blades?  But perhaps this part of his 'power' is only applicable to spoons and not other types of cutlery?  Who knows how stuff works in the world of weird shit?  But, supposing that his powers of bending don't just apply to metal cutlery?  In that case, whole new areas of crime prevention are opened up.  Sexual assaults and rape, for instance.  I mean, just imagine if, through the power of his mind, Uri Gellar could make potential rapists' penises wilt before they could penetrate their victims?  Or bend out of shape as the exposed themselves?  I can understand that Mr Gellar might not want to spend all of his time thinking about men's genitalia and that he might need a break from providing such psychic protection to the UK's women.  In which case, might it not be possible for him yo teach women how to harness their own mental powers in order that they might similarly protect themselves from sexual predators?  After all, I seem yo recall that during his heyday he was encouraging people to bend their own spoons, so it must surely be possible.  That could be the way ahead: psychic self protection classes for women: why bother kneeing a would be rapist in the groin when you can shrivel their manhood from a safe distance?  So, come on Uri, leave Brexit to the politicians and focus upon making britain's streets safe, instead.