Black Face Friday

Is the novelty of 'Black Friday' finally wearing off?  It all seemed be something of a damp squib here in Crapchester and I didn't see any of the usual news reports of near riots around the country as people fought each other for 'bargains'.  I didn't have to swear at or hit anyone in order to get my regular shopping done over the weekend.  I won't reiterate just why having 'Black Friday' in a country which doesn't celebrate Thanksgiving is such a moronic idea in the first place, instead I'll simply suggest that we try doing something more original and representative of our own culture.  So, how about 'Black Face Friday'?  People going to the sales should all black themselves up.  That way, we could at least guarantee a race riot if all else fails.  It would certainly address that great British tradition of intolerance (recently revived by Brexit) and allow the likes of the Daily Mail to bleat on about 'political correctness gone mad' when people brand racist what the right wing press would doubtless characterise as simply being a homage to 'classic' seventies BBC programme The Black and White Minstrel Show.

It would also give the police another excuse to arrest some perfectly innocent real black people as shop lifters or rioters in mistake for the real blacked up perpetrators, on the grounds that they 'all look alike'.  Yes indeed, 'Black Face Friday', where you can only 'bag a bargain' if your face is covered in boot polish could be just what the UK's High Streets need to boost their sales.  With clever marketing, you could even try to sidestep the racism issue.  After all, it would surely give an advantage to real black shoppers, as they wouldn't have to black up.  Which, in turn, would undoubtedly set the right wing press foaming at their collective mouths at 'positive discrimination' for non whites - cue reams of editorial bollocks about how the 'white working classes' are being oppressed.  Which would all be to the good as there is nothing like a bit of controversy to publcise an event like 'Black Face Friday'.  So, next year we need to embrace this new, distinctively British, shopping event which, I'm sure, will become an annual event.  Something for racists and bigots of all ages to look forward to: bargains and racial hatred - surely a winning combination?