Monday, August 06, 2018

Special Delivery

So, the question that's been perplexing me all weekend is this - just how does Amazon fit into the alleged drone attack on Venezuela's President Maduro?  I mean, is it all part of this drone delivery system they keep banging on about?  Is it a special service for Central and South American customers, where bombs can be delivered to any address they nominate?  Or, can you actually buy the bomb via the local Amazon website and select to have it delivered by drone?  (Traditional postal methods are presumably still available, but the standard service can take up to ten days for delivery, so you have to be careful about how you set the timer).  I was also left wondering how the fact that the bombs missed their intended target might affect Amazon's return and refunds policy - after all, if the miss was due to the drone's inadequacies, then surely Amazon, as the operator, are liable?  Can the would be assassins get their money back, or a re-run at no extra cost?  It would seem only fair.

But what if the drone delivered a bomb to the wrong address?  Judging by my own experience of Amazon delivering other people's stuff to my house, if there's no one in, (or they can't be bothered knocking on the door), they won't come back and collect the offending items.  Instead, they'll tell you to dispose of them as you will and simply send another delivery to the right address.  Which, with this new drone bombing service, means that you could find yourself having to deal with an unexploded bomb on your doorstep (or wherever else they left it).  OK, you could do as I did with all that crap that was wrongly left on my doorstep and dump it in the nearest municipal waste bin.  Obviously, that would mean risking moving the bomb, not to mention the possibility of some council refuse worker being blown to bits when they try to empty the bin.  Some of Amazon's other suggestions as to how to dispose of wrongly delivered shit are equally impractical: I somehow can't see any of my local charities accepting an unexploded bomb as a donation.  All of which, of course, brings us back to the drone attack on President Maduro - how do we know that he was the intended victim and that the bombs weren't delivered to the wrong address by mistake?



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