Groping the World

The good thing about this unfolding global sex scandal - and I promise that I will try to stop posting about it, but it is the gift that keeps on giving - is that it seems to transcend not just international borders, but also gender, sexual orientation and political beliefs.  After all Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey have allegedly offended on both sides of the Atlantic, whilst the former has been flying the flag for heterosexual offending while the latter has been doing it for the homosexuals, (indeed, being branded a sex pest seems to have given Spacey the courage to finally come out as gay), and here in the UK accusations are being made against members on both sides of the House.  Truly, this scandal has brought people (well, offenders, at least) together as never before.  But as I've already intimated, something that started as another Hollywood sex scandal has gone international, crossing the Atlantic to become a political sex scandals, with rumours of Tory MPs being urinated on by three men at a time (typical Tories - greedy bastards have to have three when one would have done) and more serious allegations of rape flying around.

Surely it only be a matter of time before the scandal spreads further - into Europe, across the Russian steppes, into Asia and the Pacific, via the Mediterranean to Africa - mutating as it goes along, from celebrity scandal to political scandal to God knows what.  But sooner or later, the whole world will be united in one huge grope.  It's got to the stage that every time I check the news, I expect to see another actor, celebrity or British politician named in connection with some horrendous new sex scandal.  What next?  Will we be treated to lurid tales of Jeremy Corbyn's naked sex romps on his allotment, during which he sexually assaulted several non-consenting prize vegetables?  (I hasten to add that I just made that up - I have no evidence that Corbyn has ever dome anything that exciting either on his allotment or anywhere else.  Nor have I heard any unsubstantiated rumours about his salacious jam-making sessions with young female researchers).  Personally, I'm dreading hearing allegations that Michael Gove might be implicated in a sex scandal - the mental images that conjures up are truly horrific.  Almost as horrific as those conjured up when it turned out that John Major and Edwina Currie had once had affair - I couldn't sleep for weeks after that for fear of nightmares.  Ah well, it all reminds of that old Coca Cola advert from the seventies: "I'd like to teach the world to grope, in perfect harmony"...