Thursday, October 19, 2017

Ups and Downs

My Great Aunt's funeral yesterday reminded why I stay out of churches (apart from the fact that I'm a non-believer, obviously): they are so bloody depressing.  OK, I know that funerals themselves aren't meant to be a barrel of laughs, but believe me, when they are being conducted in an ancient, cold and draughty church, they seem even more downbeat than usual.  And believe me, it was an ancient church, parts of it dating back to the eleventh century.  It didn't help that my Aunt was High Church, which meant that it was akin to being in a Roman Catholic church - the vicar even wore one of those hats you usually associate with Irish priests in sitcoms.  To be fair, though, he did deliver a good eulogy - it helped that he actually had known my Aunt and had regularly visited her over the past couple of years when she was largely house bound.  Nevertheless, it still wasn't enough to lift my gloomy mood.  All that talk of life everlasting didn't help - surely we deserve a break from the rigours of life?  The thought of having to go on forever having already lived one life just seems so daunting.  It wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have to do it as yourself, if you could be someone else. I mean, after one lifetime I think I'll be tired of being me.

Perhaps that's the attraction of reincarnation - it offers you the chance of survival after death and multiple lifetimes, but all different, all lived as someone else.  (That said, I've always thought the flaw in reincarnation is that you apparently don't remember previous lives.  Surely that makes it pointless as, without continuity of consciousness, you might as well be an entirely different individual each time round - you could never learn from your mistakes or try to improve yourself as a human being).   Quite apart from such musings on  the nature of mortality, my mood wasn't helped the grey, overcast sky and continuous drizzle.  It really was one of those days where I could feel that miasma of misery descending on me.  By the time I got back home yesterday I felt thoroughly depressed.   I can't say I felt any better today, with the weather giving a repeat performance of yesterday for most of the day.  It was an effort just to go through the motions at work today.  Thankfully, my mood has lifted somewhat this evening.   So, hopefully, by tomorrow I'll have shaken off these blues completely and it will be back to business as usual.



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