Christmas Watch 2017

Yes, it's that time of year again, when we start watching for the encroachments of the festive season upon the High Street.  At the weekend I spotted my first Christmas trees of the season - in the Marks and Spencer food hall.  There were two of them, fully illuminated, sat beside the escalators.  Now, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm a regular customer at Marks and Sparks - I'm certainly not: they are far to twee and middle class for me.  More importantly, in general, I can't afford their prices.  No, I was only in there because of the bloody 'Day of the Dead' event they've been holding in Crapchester town centre for the past couple of years.  I mean, if that isn't 'cultural misappropriation' (or is it 'cultural appropriation?'), I don't know what is?  After all, it isn't as if we have an indigenous Mexican population in Crapchester.  (Actually, I think 'cultural misappropriation' as a concept is utter bollocks, but I'm happy to be a hypocrite and use it when it suits me).  Anyway, coinciding with the end of half term, this meant that the town centre was overrun by hordes of school children dressed as skeletons and the like.  It also means that the shelves of all the shops (which I had to make a detour to reach) were stripped bare.  Which, in practice, meant that the only place I cold find which still had doughnuts on their shelves was Marks and Spencer.  And they were overpriced.

Believe me, at the end of a working week which had left me so exhausted that just putting one foot in front of the other was an effort, the last thing I wanted was to have to navigate crowds of idiots then be forced to buy inferior doughnuts in the most expensive and pretentious high street store.  So seeing those Christmas trees was just about the last straw.  I ask you, Christmas decorations going up before we've even had Halloween?  It's bad enough that the Christmas puddings and mince pies have been creeping onto the shelves for the past few weeks, without the decorations appearing.  But it got worse.  On Saturday I wandered into Debenhams and found that it was tinsled up like Santa's bloody grotto.  Now, again, I wouldn't want anyone thinking that I frequent Debenhams on a regular basis - I really can't afford their prices, but they do occasionally have sales.  Sadly, they didn't have one on Saturday.  As I wandered around the menswear department in search f a new jacket, recoiling from the ludicrous prices, I felt like asking the sales assistant if they had a designer label for cheapskates  like me.  But to get back to the point, I wouldn't want anyone to think that I'm being anti-Christmas here - but for God's sake, it's still only October!  I'd really like to enjoy the Autumn before I get bombarded by Christmas!  But that's the trouble these days, we're simply not allowed o enjoy the moment we are actually living in - we must always be forced to be planning for the next 'big thing' instead.  Just enjoy the Autumn and don't worry about Christmas until December.  There'll be plenty of time then to prepare for it.