Monday, July 04, 2016

Monster Crap

Well, I did it again.  I misread the title of a TV programme, setting me off on an entirely spurious  train of thought regarding its possible content.  This time it happened whilst I was watching the TV with the sound turned down, (I was speaking to someone on the phone at the time), I couldn't tell you exactly what was on - it was one of those US series about customizing cars, I think - but as I glanced at the screen, the title of an upcoming programme flashed across it.  I could have sworn that it said Monster Crap, leaving me wondering whether there was really an audience for such scatalogically themed programming.   Of course, the title was actually Monster Carp, a series about catching, well, monster carp. It's one of a surprisingly large number of programmes about fishing and angling which turn up on the various digital channels, their popularity is a mystery to me, a non-angler.  Not that they confine themselves to angling, there are also quite a lot of them about trawlers.  At least something happens in the ones about trawlers - it can all get a bit dramatic when the weather closes in and the seas start heaving.  Indeed, I can understand their popularity more than the ones involving a bunch of blokes standing around on a river bank dipping their rods in the water.

In fact, I'm pretty sure that there would be a bigger audience for Monster Crap than there would be for angling shows.  I mean, who could possibly resist a TV series looking at the world's most humungous turds and the men who hunt them (probably by tracking their skid marks)?  Footage of guys in baseball caps creeping up on toilet cubicles and kicking in the door to reveal a toilet bowl with a gigantic jobbie hanging over the rim would be 'must see' TV wouldn't it?  With segments including 'Turds Too Big to Flush', it would be a sure fire winner.  I can just see the latter segment involving a couple of guys like the ones from Mythbusters finding ingenious new ways to dispose of such monster turds - beating them with shovels, high pressure hoses, maybe even blowing them up, like they do with dead whale carcasses.  You could even have exterior sequences, maybe shot on location on a beach, with some fearless turd wranglers attempting to catch a huge floater expelled into the sea by a sewage outlet.  It could be pretty exciting stuff, as they try to harpoon it, then struggle to reel it in, as it fights violently to go back to the ocean deeps.  I can see that I'm going to have to pitch this one to Dave - it would fit perfectly with their current line up.

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Blogger Nasreen Iqbal said...

Seems to be the natural end point of reality television, doesn't it?

There's a scene in Jurassic Park III that was on point. I believe it was the third one, anyway.

2:54 am  

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