Tuesday, April 07, 2015

Dimensions of Terror

Surely someone should stop them?  I refer, of course, to the scientists currently preparing to restart their experiments with the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland.  I'm not a Luddite but damn it, are they crazy?  I've read that their latest experiments are designed to explore new dimensions, beyond the normal three.  For God's sake, have these people never read any pulp magazines or seen any dodgy science fiction movies?  If they had, they'd know that these other dimensions are just teeming with hostile life forms just itching to get their slimy tentacles and mandibles on our planet.  Trust me, if they run those latest experiments then, next thing we know, we'll all be enveloped in some other worldly mist and fighting for our very existence against hordes of eldritch terrors from beyond normal space-time.  I shudder to think what effect it might have on the election campaign.  I mean, if UKIP are getting upset about immigrants from Eastern Europe and Asia coming to the UK, who knows how they'll react to people being chased down the street by two headed cannibals from the eighth dimension.

In fact, this whole business could play right into UKIP's hands, justifying their hard line on immigration.  Maybe they're behind it - are we sure that Nigel Farage doesn't have a brother who is a particle physicist working at CERN?  I know that sounds ridiculous, I mean, looking at Farage it is hard to imagine anyone who shares genes with him being able to muster sufficient intellectual wattage to get even a boy scout proficiency badge, let alone a doctorate, but you never know.  To be honest, I'm surprised that UKIP haven't used an increase in UFO sightings as evidence that the government's policies on illegal immigration aren't working.  If he'd gone down that route, then Farage could have claimed that his alleged ordeal at the hands of the NHS was actually the result of alien abduction: 'Illegal aliens stole my testicle', perhaps.  So, as you can see, it is imperative that someone stops those crazy mad scientists at CERN before they unleash all manner of horrors upon on, not least the prospect of a UKIP election victory.

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