When Good Neighbours Become a Pain in the Arse

People just love pushing the idea of local communities, neighbourliness and social networks.  Just today I got an unsolicited piece of mail inviting me to join the 'online community for Crapchester'.  Apparently, and I quote, 'Streetlife is a free and simple website that connects you with people in your local area'.  Jesus Christ!  Why do they think that I want to get connected with other residents of Crapchester?  I spend enough time trying to avoid them in real life, why on earth would I want to deal with them online?  I mean, the web effectively gives me access to the entire world - I regularly have online dealings with people from across the UK, Europe, the US and many other far flung places - so why would I want to spend my web surfing time talking to people who live within yards of me?  I can just step out of my front door and throw a brick at them if I want to attract their attention.  But obviously I'm wrong, as they go on to tell me that their site 'makes it easy for neighbours to keep in touch'.  Bearing in mind that I live next door to my neighbours and we don't speak, I don't really see why it should be any different online.

Besides, neighbourliness is greatly overrated.  To be frank, most neighbours are a pain in the arse.  Especially the ones who think they are your buddy or pal, simply because they happen to live in close proximity to you.  Just for the record: I don't want to be your friend.  Just because, out of courtesy, I might acknowledge you if I see you in the street or in the pub, it doesn't mean that I want any kind of relationship with you.  And if you don't want me to be rude to you, then don't accost me in the pub when I'm trying to enjoy a quiet pint and a conversation with a fellow regular, about the state of my steps.  Here, I think, a little elaboration is required.  I live in a house on an elevated terrace, there are steps down to the pavement at either end.  Despite the fact that everyone uses them, these steps actually belong to the houses whose property they are on, in the case of one set, this is my house. I noticed the other day that on one step one of the bricks was a little loose and determined that, when I have time, I'd repair it. 

Fast forward back to the pub, and I have this idiot from the opposite end of the terrace (where he has a nearer set of steps) complaining to me that the brickwork on my steps  was loose and therefore a health and safety hazard.  Now, although I just wanted to tell him to 'fuck off', I didn't and confined myself to pointing out that there was a simple solution - he could stop using my steps and stay off of my property.  As I then elaborated, the last time this issue had occurred, my attempts to repair the steps had been continually frustrated by the refusal of my neighbours to stop using them until the new mortar was dry.  The problem, as I pointed out, somewhat forcefully, is that my neighbours all seem to want, no, expect, to enjoy the benefits of my property without actually making any contribution to their upkeep.  Do far, he hasn't raised the issue again.  Which is just as well for him as, when I checked the steps again, I found that he seems to have loosened several more bricks, making the repairs more complex.  Consequently, I'm likely to do him some damage if he comes whining to me again.