More World Cup Woes

According to Roy Hodgson, England are going to attack Uruguay tonight.  Consequently, when I took a quick look at the match just now, I was disappointed that Wayne Rooney wasn't going for Luis Suarez with a broken bottle and that rest of the team weren't laying siege to the opposition goal with knives, crowbars, broken chair legs, even planks with nails in them.  As you can gather, I'm currently not watching TV coverage of England's World Cup match.  Not because I can't stand the tension, but because I can't stand ITV's football coverage.  Quite apart from the fact that England always seem to lose crucial matches which ITV has exclusive coverage of, their presentation is anchored by the abominable Adrian Chiles.  A man who allegedly pocketed millions when ITV mystifyingly poached him from the BBC to present its flagship breakfast TV programme, and was continued to be paid handsomely even when the ratings for that subsequently fell through the floor, yet still appears to be the most miserable bastard on TV.  Yet large sections of the press still laud him, telling us how much better he is than Gary Lineker is on the BBC. 

To be honest, I've never understood why anybody has ever rated him as a presenter - he lacks any kind of charm, charisma or insight.  He was awful when he presented that business programme nobody watched on BBC2, then transferred his awfulness to prime time with the One Show.  The fact that this show has continued to be popular despite his departure shows how deluded ITV were in thinking Chiles was a vital ingredient to its success.  Yet the fact that he proved to be a complete turn-off to viewers of their breakfast programme doesn't seem to have dimmed ITV's faith in him.  As a sports anchor, at least.  Perhaps they think his fake 'matey-ness' and supposedly 'cheeky' presentation style, (although simply saying things like 'Call me a cheeky monkey, but..' when you interrupt an interviewee to ask an inane question, doesn't actually make you 'cheeky', 'populist' or even 'edgy', it shows that you are a twat), appeals to sports fans.  But it isn't just Chiles who turns me off of ITV's football coverage.  I was amazed that Phil Neville's commentary on the England-Italy match for the BBC received so much criticism for being 'boring' - haven't those moaning ever heard his ITV counterpart Andy Townsend?  Townsend is excrutiatingly poor as a commentator, stating the obvious over and over again, punctuated by the odd footballing cliché, usually poorly chosen.  He is dull beyond belief and, worse, downright wrong most of the time.  If his footballing career had every amounted to anything I might be able to understand why he's still employed by ITV.  As it is, he just sounds like some bloke from the pub droning on about football. 

Then there are ITV's studio pundits.  Don't get me started on them.  Really, don't.  The absolutely worst thing about ITV's coverage of England matches are the over-the-top reactions to defeats and poor performances in the studio afterward, with Chiles inevitably telling us that English football is in crisis and that end of the world is nigh.  If England lose to Uruguay then Chiles will be in full doom-laden wailing mode tonight.  Indeed, if they lose, then come next Tuesday's match against Costa Rica (which, depressingly, ITV also have the rights to), Chiles and co will probably be refusing to actually show the match live, instead opting for a three hour session of despair at the death of English football.   You know, the best thing about ITV losing the rights to Champion's League and Europa League football to BT and the FA Cup to the BBC is that maybe, just maybe, Adrian Chiles will finally be out of a job with ITV (and anyone else, with luck).