Malaysian Triangle Man-Eating Zombie Savages

They should give up now.  The people searching for that missing hiker in Malaysia, I mean.  After all, the Malaysians have already lost an entire airliner full of people - if they can't locate something that big, what hoe have they of finding a single person?  It does make you wonder, what with all these disappearances around Malaysia, whether there's some kind of new 'Bermuda Triangle' there.  Well, not a 'Bermuda Triangle', obviously, but some sort of 'South East Asia Triangle', where ships, planes and people mysteriously vanish, just like they did in the 'Bermuda Triangle' before navigational aids to planes and shipping became more sophisticated.  Not that I'm saying that the 'Bermuda Triangle' was a load of bollocks, obviously.  But it's certainly yesterday's news - when was the last time that anything vanished there?  If the Malaysian government plays its cards right, it could be on to a new tourism attraction with these disappearances - they could really get those crackpot conspiracy theorists and their ilk flocking to the area.

Mind you, it's probably all down to the cannibals.  If 1970s and 80s Italian exploitation films haven't been lying to me all these years, that whole region is peppered with islands inhabited blood thirsty cannibals who prey on air crash victims, explorers, shipwreck survivors and the like.  They aren't just to be found on remote islands, either.  I seem to recall that in Umberto Lenzi's Deep River Savages, you only have to travel by train for a few miles outside of the main cities in Thailand to find villages full of man-eating primitive tribes.  Perhaps that's what has happened to the missing hiker in Malaysia.  Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying that he's definitely been eaten by a tribe that preys on tourists - he could have gotten lucky and even now is being worshipped by them as a God.  The Italians had quite thing for cannibal movies during this period - only zombie movies rivalled them for popularity, although the two genres frequently crossed over with cannibalistic zombies and films featuring both zombies and cannibals.  I must admit that it did occur to me whilst watching that Terence Hill/Bud Spencer film the other day that they'd, surprisingly, never done either a knockabout zombie or cannibal comedy.  Which is a pity - it would have given them an excuse to film somewhere like Malaysia and it could have culminated in a huge fight in which Bud spencer either slapped the heads off of decaying zombies or ate the cannibals.  Ah, a man can dream about what might have been...