Whom The Gods of Shopping Choose to Destroy...

You know, there was a point last week where I'm sure I actually went mad, with all the hassle being caused by the bout of 'flu I'd had earlier. Indeed, I can pretty much pinpoint that moment to around 18:32 last Thursday, when I found myself in the centre of Crapchester ranting wildly about the unavailability of McCain's Crinkle Cut Microwave Chips. OK, I know that it probably seems bizarre that a fast food could be the tipping point for a man's sanity, but it had been a long week and this was just one frustration too far. It's not as if I was being unreasonable: I just wanted a four pack of Crinkle Cut Microwave chips. But could anybody sell me something that, only the week before, they had huge stocks of in every supermarket? No, of course they bloody couldn't. It all started on the Monday, to be honest, when Sainsbury's only had the straight cut variety. It was the same story the next day in Tesco. Which was strange and irritating. So I decided to bide my time until Thursday evening.

But my quest started badly - whilst Iceland had crinkle cut chips, they were only selling them in a three pack, which, at £1.25, compared to £1.49 for a four pack, represented very poor value for money! The Crapchester town centre Sainsbury's were even worse - they were only selling the crinkle cut chips in a two pack! For a pound! A pound for fuck's sake! That's two-thirds the price of a four pack! That's shockingly poor value for money! Is it any wonder I was fast becoming unhinged? The final straw came at the Tesco Metro, which didn't have any variety of McCain Microwave Chips in any multiple packs of any description. That's when I ran back out into the shopping centre, cursing the gods of retail and shouting 'WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT FOR THEM TO SELL ME CRINKLE CUT CHIPS?' Actually, I might just have thought that last bit, rather than screaming it out loud. Anyway, I was left vowing to try Morrison's the next day - they were bound to have crinkle cut chips in a four pack.

Needless to say, they didn't. So I had to settle for the straight cut variety. You know something - they don't taste anywhere as nice as the crinkle cut ones.