Doc Sleaze's Daredevil Festival Fun

Did I mention that the Crapchester Festival had started? Apparently it kicked off last Friday and will go on until the middle of July, culminating in the ever awful 'Crapchester Shite' event. (You know, the one where lots of local 'musicians' stoke up their egos by unleashing their cacophonous lack of talent at a free live event - let's face it, nobody is going to pay to be subjected to that sort of thing - in the park across from my house, ensuring that I get to have a thoroughly miserable weekend). Apart from this closing 'event', I'm still none the wiser as to what else the Crapchester Festival is meant to encompass. That said, today I saw some signs up for 'Scott May's Daredevil Show', you know the sort of thing - it involves monster trucks crushing cars and the like - which is to take place in the park this evening. Maybe this is part of the festival? Actually, I think it would be quite apt - other towns and cities might have annual festivals focusing on local arts and the like, but it is only fitting that Crapchester's should concentrate on mayhem and destruction.

Anyway, as with many of these things, the 'daredevil' show is billed as being 'The Greatest Show on Wheels', with the poster featuring that monster truck and several motorcycles flying all over the place. I have no idea who Scott May is, or why he is staging this show, although I suspect that, unlike the rest of us, he is someone who didn't get the urge for automotive thrills out of his system by jumping his pedal car over a couple of dustbins when he was a kid. Oh come on, you know that you did something like that when you were nine or ten. It couldn't have just been me. Actually, the trouble with kiddies' pedal cars is that it is bloody difficult to get any speed up in them, making it near impossible to get up the launch ramp to clear those dustbins. Unless, that is, you have a very long run-up down a long, descending path. Unfortunately, whilst I grew up in a house with a very long garden, the path was neither straight enough, nor wide enough to achieve this - it also didn't help that the garden was divided in two by a wall with a gate in it.

Our neighbour's garden, by contrast, had a relatively straight and wide path, running, uninterrupted, the entire length of the garden. I often used to dream of racing down it in the pedal car. Sadly, by the time I was able realise this dream, taking opportunity of the neighbours being on holiday, I was fifteen and far too big for the pedal car (which by now had been passed on to my younger brother). As I could no longer get my feet into the pedals, I had to free wheel down the patch, perched precariously on the back of the car, (I couldn't get into the seat either), my hands gripped tightly on the tiny steering wheel. I hadn't given much thought to stopping the car, however, and ended up having to steer it into our neighbour's borders. I have to admit, it wasn't as exciting as I'd hoped it would be. Nevertheless, unlike Scott May, I've subsequently never had the desire to set up a daredevil stunt show.