Going For a Song

The other day I was left thinking that I'd overslept by a month and that it was 1 April. I'd just got up and had read on Ceefax that the UK's entry for this year's Eurovision Song Contest was going to be performed by Engelbert Humperdink. Yes, Engelbert Humperdink! Why? Trust me, my reservations aren't based on ageism, (to be honest, I was mildly surprised to learn that he was still alive), but rather the fact that even in his heyday, (when I was a kid), he wasn't really seen as being the 'real deal'. Now, Tom Jones, he was the real thing. Even as a child I could see that Tom was manliness personified, with his leather trousers, hairy chest and swagger. Not to mention the voice. But Engelbert? he was strictly second division. You always suspected that he had to put a couple of pairs of rolled up rugby socks down the front of his trousers to generate any sex appeal.

But, on reflection, perhaps that's what Eurovision wants. After all, nobody really takes it seriously and it's way past its prime, (like Englebert). Moreover, pretend, non-threatening sexy is what they seem to like in a successful act. Let's face it, those Eastern European countries that seem to dominate the contest these days just wouldn't be able to handle the full-on sex bomb that is Tom Jones - the waves of raw sexuality he emanates whilst performing would probably blow all the valves in their ancient ex-Soviet TVs. And I'm not saying they are behind the times in places like Latvia, but they've probably only just caught up with 1968 in terms of popular culture. In which case Engelbert is still a big star to them. So, maybe picking Engelbert to represent us is really a stroke of genius. That said, I still think we should try and persuade David Hasselhoff to represent the UK - at least we'd get the German vote.