Battle of Britain?

The Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) has refused to comment on allegations that UK Independence Party (UKIP) MEP Nigel Farage's light plane - which crashed early this morning - was shot down by a world war two vintage Messerchmitt Bf 109 fighter. "He came out of the sun at them, guns blazing," says UKIP party activist Bunty Loon, who claims to have witnessed the attack, which allegedly took place in the skies over Buckinghamshire. "It was definitely a German fighter plane - I've seen enough war films to know one - although instead of Luftwaffe markings, it seemed to have European Union symbols on its wings." The forty-one year old divorcee, who has been campaigning for Mr Farage in support of his attempt to win election to Westminster, believes that the attack provides further evidence that the European Union (EU) is actually an evil fascistic organisation, hell bent on destroying British sovereignty. "There's no doubt that Nigel and UKIP have got them rattled," she told a local newspaper. "They obviously fear that Nigel's brilliant oratory is on the brink of opening the British electorate's eyes to their true beastly nature!"

Loon, who was out leafleting for Mr Farage when she allegedly saw the attack, believes that it is significant that the attack was carried out by a German aircraft. "Those bloody Kraut bastards failed to beat us in the Battle of Britain, so now they're trying to subjugate us by stealth, under cover of the EU," declares Bunty, who is adamant that the Messerscmitt even performed a 'victory roll' as it flew over the smoking wreckage of Farage's plane, before strafing rescuers trying to approach the crash site. "Them and the bloody French. They both lost wars to us - the EU is just revenge for that!" Despite Loon's claims, local police say that they have had no reports of any aerial attacks by vintage aircraft. Indeed, preliminary reports indicate that the crash - which left Mr Farage with non life-threatening minor injuries - was actually caused by the 'Vote UKIP' banner it was towing becoming entangled with its tail.