Apprentice of Apocalypse?

There are some things I will never understand. The appeal of The Apprentice being one. Now, I know I'm biased here, being a Spurs fan it is a given that I hate and loathe Sir Alan Sugar, and therefore wouldn't watch any TV programme featuring him, but even if it wasn't him, I'd still have no interest in watching it. Where is the entertainment value in watching a bunch of thoroughly dislikeable people desperately scrabbling around trying to get a job being chief sycophant to some capitalist bastard? It really is the unacceptable face of capitalism - setting a group of greed-fuelled back-stabbing idiots against each other and calling it entertainment. Actually, the programme might have more credibility with me if it was anybody other than Alan Sugar presiding over it. Is he really the best the BBC could come up with to represent British entrepreneurship? He's hardly Donald Trump, is he? He presides over an empire producing set-top boxes for Sky - not really the cutting-edge of technological innovation, is it? With his track record of producing cheap, but crap, home computers and electrical appliances, I'd hope that Sugar wasn't a role model for budding British businessmen. His lack of vision and unwillingness to take risks, instead focusing on profits, are exactly the sort of attitudes which have held British business back over the past few decades.

Obviously, if they're going to make The Apprentice worthwhile viewing for people like me, the BBC are going to have to find someone a damn sight more exciting and dynamic than Alan Sugar to build it around. Personally, my choice would be Osama bin Laden. Instead of trying to land a job at Amstrad, contestants would be vying to become al Qeaeda's chief planner. Consequently, each week they'll be set terror-related tasks - blowing up London landmarks, kidnapping journalists, paralysing the banking system. The more innovative their scheme, the less likely they are to be fired. Those failing won't simply be fired - they'll be expected to take out a designated target as a suicide bomber. If that doesn't give them all an added incentive, nothing will. Trust me, this version of The Apprentice would blow Sugar's whiskers off - a guaranteed top ten hit! Who cares about selling lemons to transsexuals (or whatever the bloody tasks Sugar sets them involve), when there's the chance to witness mass destruction and carnage? I've no doubt as to what the public would prefer!